[as the image of myself becomes sharper in my brain and more precious, i feel less afraid that someone else will erase me by denying me love. - prayer, jenny slate]

• jan 01. fun with aunt amelia omg. the throwing of the pics, I laughed my ass off. ok then maybe studying is everything to me rn, big deal!!! i love it anyways. and I also love feeding seahorses by hand, thank you isa.
• jan 02. watching gg & iasip made me feel like I was home. i really enjoyed spending time with myself today. i still have so much to learn about me, it's insane!!! also planted lots of seeds today, let's hope they grow!
• jan 03. i have so much fun watching gilmore girls it's insane??? and i just spent the entire day NOT studying. felt a bit free, ngl.
• jan 04. whenever it rains I look at my tiny forest I have at home and I miss my field trip. so much my heart aches. i really hope I get to do it again soon!!! oh and tonight was tender at allan's. i love tender love.
• jan 05. bidu is finally home! i missed him so much i forgot what he looked like. i had a nice moment in nature today, love that i can see magic everywhere.
• jan 06. went to hellen's today!!! had so much fun and so much food. i love her so much it's insane, didn't think that big of a love could fit in such a tiny heart. / taeyeon, you mean the world to me. it's crazy how her music just makes me feel... everything! / had açaí with iza tonight, ordered and didn't care about the price. also bidu is getting better :')
• jan 07. I love to feel protected. when he holds the small of my back and I feel safe? yeah. i also love how poetry and art itself makes me feel. i feel dizzy, I feel lost, I feel found, I feel.
• jan 08. lay's bday, my heart feels safe. had cookies and bubble tea with cris today, i missed her!
• jan 09. not much happened and I was kinda down. a reminder tho: bad days like these won't cease to exist, but another like this one won't. thank god music exists tho.
• jan 10. god. you know, jr was right. we NEED people. not for sexual pleasures (only) but we need human contact!!! we need to talk, to look at each other's eyes and TALK. i needed to get out of my literal comfort zone, aka my room, and fucking wake UP.
• jan 11. trees!!! they mean the world to me. thank you for everything, trees. also candy, that's good stuff.
• jan 12. ok great things happened today. I'm very emotional about all of them. one: bought priest paulo's poetry book, he signed it for me and gave me a big hug (aaaa???). i read a bit and cried, the whole god making us is poetry quote still echoing in my head. two: went out with you know who and we rode the ferris wheel ride, almost kissed, felt him so close. then he looked at me like I was the sweetest girl around, talked to my mom and my dad, I felt him nervous, we laughed in the rain. three: weird, but i hugged lilian today (saw her at the açaí place) and I felt like I was home. that girl, I know her from before. i have to!!! anyways, that felt sweet and i wanna get into this later.
• jan 13. had bobs w/ iza!!! and missed my frens. and the lab! everything seems to be normal.
• jan 14. i felt a lot today. a rollercoaster of emotions, if u will. ups & downs. hope everything turns out just fine!!! here's to the future, hoping for the best & the best only.
• jan 15. i love how i feel and act around him?? he's rly just. that person to me.
• jan 16. saw this transparent leaf today, had my last biochem class (it was bittersweet!) & one of our best morpho classes: the fruit study. i got to bring home strawberries and papaya. oh and the berry joke ofc!!!
• jan 17. oh, today was such a good day. i love those moments where I realize i'm the luckiest person alive. i love my life and I love living it as me!!! this is golden, pure love. th (helen)ankful for friendship. thankful for plants. thankful for second chances. thankful for opportunities. thankful for love & care. thankful for sunshine streaks!!! thankful for forgiveness. and I'm also pretty sure jr knows me from before too; it's too obvious at this point.
• jan 18. to find home in someone's arms is a sweet, beautiful life delight. and I'm thankful it exists.
• jan 19. i love how domestic we are. hope he knows i'm very into him. and açaí is always a good idea, girls. happy to be studying something so pretty and functional. and i love how perfectly imperfect it is. (this is about gut mucosa immunology lmfao)
• jan 20. i love how crazy i am about my friends. like helen, for example, when I look at her I literally see sunshine!!! how crazy is that???
• jan 21. i. can't. stop. having. açaí!!! i'm spending all of my money with açaí. my god. / some ppl suck. counter perspective: this isn't on you. some ppl will do what they can to put you down and destroy your hope. counter perspective: be kind. / listened to i, i for the first time today and let me tell you... a trip.
• jan 22. I love my mornings. they bring me calmness and remind me that a brand new day is always near. and I love rain. it reminds me of the people I love.
• jan 23. i'm gonna miss my biochem prof. he made biochemistry the most beautiful perspective of our body and plants' structure. having him teach us photosynthesis was a unique experience for me.
• jan 24. boy am i happy this week is finally over!!! had fun today, laughed so much I thought I was gonna like. pass out
• jan 25. i absolutely LOVE studying flowering plants. they're so fancy and classy and so well done it's insane. had açaí with iza tonight! small happinesses :")
• jan 26. this month has been good but it has to end too!!! weird thing: I got these flowers on the street yesterday but I used them all to study, you know? so get this! this morning I got up for mass and there was an hibiscus flower outside???
• jan 27. i am honestly in love with my plants!!! the flowers oh my god :")
• jan 28. the sky looked rly pretty today. and I love pitch perfect.
• jan 29. i watched shrek 2 with mom. couldn't stop laughing through the whole thing, fucking A+!!! ari called me cute today because I'm in love with plants :")
• jan 30. I love it when trees look scary. I know they're all keeping secrets from me.
• jan 31. ladies. i am finally FINISHED with my second year of uni. i cannot believe but i can totally believe it!!! my hard work payed off. special thanks to junior, who were my rock during all of this.