[it's not all sunshine and rainbows, but a lot of it actually is! sunshine is literally good for you, so go soak up that vitamin d. the sun is a massive star that will outlive all of us. as for rainbows, well, you've got to weather the storm first. hang in there.]

• jul 01. it's JULY !!!!! | turned the radio on today and it was playing the suburbs by arcade fire :") | being with god is everything to me. He is in me and I am in Him. | watching mad about you ahhh...
• jul 02. just GOOD music! london grammar, joy division, vampire weekend... | watching THAT one mad about you episode! how to fall in love :") | spending time with my dogs and with myself.
• jul 03. got emotional over pure heroine and melodrama tonight ladies! it's safe to say some of pure heroine songs shaped me to be the woman I am today. thank you ella :") | I feel way better today! spent time with carine and lab ppls! and ofc my project. starting to believe I deserve very good things in life and that it'll be okay. the pain and the anxiety I'm feeling right now won't be relevant or important in any way when I succeed in the future. i know my time will come. I'm always trying so hard, I'm only human!!!! | i absolutely love the experience of reading. it's just insane how putting together a couple of words makes people feel SO MUCH. @sagan i wanted to tell you: you were a wonderful star dude. | listened to new (to me at least) music today! like paul simon, justin townes erle... lorde music, more joy division... and london grammar of course !
• jul 04. sufjan stevens song! today was just. wonderful!!! spent time with people who genuinely care about me and I care about. they make me feel so welcome, so safe and so loved!!! ah and it's just. the Best thing ever to work with something you LOVE. doing something you're crazy about? bitch that is your cALL! but really. sometimes I get the feel I'm in the right path.
• jul 05. ice cream cake with carine for lunch! | "natalia are u busy? wanted u to identify this lauraceae for me" :( | watched the most cliche and cutie movie. the first time lol!!! • started shippados. i swear. everything!!! makes me FEEL,!!!! and I absolutely love it. who would've thought edu and tata would make such a lovely duo? amazing.
• jul 06. finished shippados!!!! my heart broke and it got fixed so fast it was ! wild. and it's also really warm right now. god :") | I LOVE music!!! and the feelings I have when I listen to it. thank u universe for this one!!!! vampire weekend, hippo campus & young the giant. the wonderful trio :")
• jul 07. more music! it's everything to me really. | the sun !!!!!!!! i love her. | watched that dumb tatbilb again god why does it make me feel so good? | had açaí with milk and strawberries :') | listening to fotb and just. living. | reading carl sagan is good for the soul.
• jul 08. loving being self aware and understanding my needs and wants. knowing how to separate both and understand what is GOOD for me. yeah!!! | listening to music makes me feel free. so free! | i love plants so much I'm gonna EXPLODE???
• jul 09. spending time with people!!! who enjoy my company!!! sounds insane and fake right? it happens!!! | love these two radio moments: I was thinking "god okay I need a GOOD song rn" and they play no cars go!??? please. and then when I was headed home, it was dark and I was kinda scared. so I thought "pls I need something to calm me down a bit" and then they play meu sol :/ it was so sweet. | pls I cried watching evolution vids tonight aaaahhhh
• jul 10. I'm never gonna get over the feeling I get when ppl ask me "can u identify this lauraceae pls?" !!!! | i am finally studying for my zoo test and let me tell you. it's the most interesting thing I've studied all year??? | landmark. you mean so much to me!!! | gonna list a few good things I love about this day: helen writing me an "I love you" in my notebook when I wasn't there / carine telling me to "sleep tight kissesss I will see you friday don't forget about our bk!!!" or carine apologizing for something that didn't even offend me :( sweet / iza asking me biology questions!!! evolution even!!! / the GREAT nap I took today jfc. / finding lauraceans feels like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!!! / how much jesus loves me :") / this kind sweet SO sweet lady at the bus on my way home!!! made my soul a bit lighter.
• jul 11. went to the movies! love the company always | I uhhh love zoology? who would've thought!!! | my big HUGE plant is flourishing :") | music makes me feel... alive.
• jul 12. I still get amazed at how loved I am by jesus. he's always doing so much for me and I can't even BELIEVE I'm loved this much. and by such a wonderful spirit, by an entity filled with life! the one who created everything, the one who controls and helps and loves everything,.. loves and takes care of me too? it's true. | prof mariza means a lot to me. whenever I'm down she finds a way to get a message through me. i guess she feels my burden somehow? idk but I'm HAPPY she's around. she complimented me so much this morning I felt my cheeks rose... | carine and helen ! they. are so many things to me. but specially my friends. my loves. my angels! my heart's gonna BURST.!!!!! | watched a few h3 videos and I miss them. the nostalgia... and teddy FRESH!!! he's like a month and a few years old today... this is insane!!!! | i always find it weird that one second you're something: things are happening around you and within you and you are forced to change. you don't see it and you don't feel it, but it's there. on the other you're something completely different: you've changed. this morning I was someone. during lunch I had already changed. right now I'm someone else completely! it's weird but I love it.
• jul 13. life is so cruel sometimes huh. two ppl who really love each other can't be together and that's the end of it. but sometimes it works. why is it so bad and so good sometimes? just thinking. | went to the juline party tonight and won the cutest pink water bottle at the bingo :") and ofc spent time with my family and laughed so much. and I looked very cute!
• jul 14. i uh. felt comfortable today. in my own skin. i've been feeling quite comfortable these days. I'm glad! | being around my mom brings me so much joy she'll ask me anything and I'd be like "YES! yes I WILL do those things for you! whatever you need!!!!" and do it happily lol. | started skam austin and yeah here we go again!
• jul 15. the sunrise looked so pretty this morning!!! and maybe love IS real, ethan and hila told me so :")
• jul 16. I am honestly glad I have wonderful people by my side. maybe I won't be alone after all. | true love exists??? yeah ethan told me so. | i LOVE eating. my god I love food so much? and talking. i love talking!!! and the sun! it's the sweetest!!!!
• jul 17. I felt so pretty today! and I only stayed home! i honestly fall in love with myself every day. every day I get to meet someone new and learn so much more about that woman standing in front of me. my body, my temple, has already done so much for me... i can only repay it! she's been my home for 20 years going 21! *plane emoji* getting way too emotional here omg. | started rewatching seinfeld and god I know i'm not a finisher, I'm a starter. but look. it's GOOD.!!! i laughed so much and I've been enjoying it so far. watched season one and started season two. god they're so fucking funny!!! and it brings me memories. i love having this nostalgia seinfeld brings me. thank u!
• jul 18. almost had a breakdown looking and talking about trees today. wow! listening to soft sounds from another planet! and just thinking about how glad I am to have them around me, to live in the same eon, the same age and same dimension as them! AND THE SAME PLANET!!!! i am honestly so happy they're here and even though people try to desert this planet, they're strong. and they're capable of facing this problem! | bc of that Tide© app I took the best nap of 2019! wasn't that tired but I'd sleep a lot more if I went through with it. but I played the app and the song ahhhhh!! slept like a BABY! and only two hours! good ! :")
• jul 19. i'm literally in love with my friends??? they mean so much to me. but specially carine. she's like a whole new world to me! being around her brings me so much peace!!! thank u universe, you've done exceptionally WELL. | no bra fridays! and to point out that fact, I was wearing this femme power wonder woman tshirt :") | hey I missed dumb penis parker and watched homecoming and a bit of far from home. god why am I like this sjdjjdsjjd | anyways had good food today! and felt really happy and I'm really glad I'm living this life. good things are here and even better ones are coming!!!
• jul 20. hi! managed to get my report goiinnggg today! happy for that. also happy i got to rewatch deadpool (2016) and watch deadpool (2018) for the first time eeeek! love you, wade. and had great food today too. saw bees feeding off of a jabuticaba. cute. and got the vibe to read comic books again. not this shit again right? maybe I'll finish one like I did with hawkeye lol
• jul 21. holy shit music takes you places. | tv does too lol. loving russian doll's vibe! & master of none! | started with the comic book shit again. let's see how happy this makes me fjfjfjdjsjs
• jul 22. happy st rita day! went to the church today again, and it felt. incredible!!! as usual. and met this 8yo CUTIE on the way home. she told me my hair is pretty and then "but ofc, YOU are all pretty!" :( | spent time with mom! and felt really cute. | watched few stuff bc I deserved some rest hehe. had good food too! | being kind. brings me so much JOY!!! joy! joy to the world :")
• jul 23. I love going to the bank and faking my worries omg. feel important!!! | i LOVE my bed. my god the nap I took today? incredible!!! | read so many comic books tonight ahhh!!! & as expected: currently in love with wade :/
• jul 24. so today was even better! felt really pretty with my hair / went to the public library to get a few books and the nostalgia / listened to willow's latest self titled and epik high's sleepless in and a few others,,, good music thank you universe / cozy in my bed always taking those four hour long naps :")
• jul 25. I love spending time with helen!!! she loves music and she adores talking. she's the sweetest and I love being around her :") | I'm just not giving two shits anymore!!! just taking pics of things I'd like to see again, like this beautiful purple flower I saw this morning and took the risk of missing the bus lol!!! and the sunlight streaking through a tree ahhh. let's be honest ppl let's be real for ONCE!!! be the person you wish to be, !!! i also love my look. seriously. and my hair all braided! and my good music!!! my soul is literally at peace. i wish it was summer :")
• jul 26. watched science vids + read some interesting articles. apparently photosynthesis is actually older than we thought!!! studies have shown it's started BEFORE cyanobacteria evolved it!!! it's so cool omg. and that uh cuttlefish microbiota has like. two bacteria species??? that's like. so many lol. and that uh forgetting is not a wrong move from our brains!!!!??? it's actually SUPPOSED to happen! that's so cool. science is really cool. | i love meeting my mom on the bus ! it's like seeing an angel for the first time, every time!!! | i absolutely love my dogs wow | and I love plants too... it's repetitive, I know. but I really really do. i saw this fern (samambaia) growing next to the bathroom and I almost cried. payed attention to the trees who fit in each other and almost cried too. | so I have this theory. whenever I'm desperately looking for articles I can NEVER find them. they know i'm looking for them so they hide! but whenever I'm like "I'm leaving this shitty project for GOOD I'm giving it up I don't care I'll do it!" i come across thousands of articles about said subject I was interested in. it's so weird. the universe pushes me to my fucking LIMIT only to bring me back stronger than ever. god!!
• jul 27. woke up at nine am. 9!!! on a saturday. wow! / worked hard on my paper. god i hope it's worth it. / listened to kpop all day long ehehe. missed the feeling!!! love my girls, my dreamies, ahhh!!! i'm still so in love with everyone... / laughes my ass OFF with seinfeld tonight. and had chinese stakeout for dinner!! yakisoba!!! / i took care of myself today! by taking care of my feet lol & my hair :") | watched a lot of videos on yt and enjoyed so much music! love being alive.
• jul 28. i spent time with my plants this morning. they're so pretty and so cute all green and shit!!! | went to see aunt antonia (she calls me lindona :/) and had nice coffee and churros ! then stopped for ice cream on our way home omg | talked to iza about uni stuff and she seems so nervous. i wish she knew how good she's gonna be on those tests. bitch is gonna rock every chance she's having in the future, I know it!!! | sunsets are so pretty, and trees are so tall and CUTE!!! | god is everything to me oh... my love for him? transcends any and every kind of feeling.
• jul 29. today was a really sweet day with sweet people all around me. i love laughing like that, smiling like that, talking like that!!! and being babied ofc. / my pot of rice was WONDERFUL today. wow!!! / felt pretty!!!!
• jul 30. i love my lab friends so much??? they give me food and protect me from sorrow and sadness :( | woke up at 4am this morning, went to the park to exercise?!?! WHO would've thought huh. it was as peaceful as it used to be!!! love doing this shit wow.
• jul 31. finally this month AND day are over. oof! gonna list good things that happened today: spending time with carine & luis! / praying and praying!!! / reading / spending quality time with mom / share renata's excitement over the japanese cuties!!!! / having pao de queijo and coffee before going to uni / actually being able to sleep until 8am / nature and everything plants do for themselves and each other / talking to cris!!! / ppl see things that remind me of them and send me links and I explode every!single!time! still can't understand the whole concept of being real, loved and cherished for who I am.