in the reckless gritty chaos of things you are loved, you are seen. - mhn

• may 01. today was rough but I'm confident! | i found my shells!!! got to study with them ahhh :") | I'm feeling extra soft today, maybe because it's cold, idk. just really soft and that hot chocolate cliche movie holding hands kinda soft ..
• may 02. you know when you laugh SO HARD you feel like your lungs are gonna explode? me this afternoon lmfao. vitor is the absolute LOVE of my life and I'm prepared to hand him the whole world. | i'm in love with tiny octopuses :( and tiny squids. and even the BIG squids! they outsmart us and I love it. | i was kinda feeling down this morning but my friends always bring me back. :")
• may 03. our zoo test was kind of okay? feeling confident. | ok our genetics class was GREAT this morning as well. i gotta say, genetics is kind of fun??? | i love my friday friends hehehe had fun at the lab today :^) | my dad was really sweet to me tonight. i love him.
• may 04. today I felt PRETTY. i moisturized my hair this morning so it looked beautiful. at least to me it was insanely pretty!!! and SOFT god it was soft. and I shaved my legs because it's the summer feel (even though we're in autumn. JUST realized it omg). | ok so tonight I watched two movies (ana recs!): everything everything & someone great!!! they were really fun to watch and Not predictive at ALL. | i love the front porch album. and joy. and hozier as well. :")
• may 05. uh today was FUN!!?? went out fishing with my familie & we talked and drinker and had great food and laughed and ahhhhhhhh!!! it was really fun. | on our way home I had that feeling. it was cold and dark and I was listening to snow and hhhh. absolutely perfect :( | I love connecting with nature and everything she has to offer us. i also love birds lol.
• may 06. tonight I had the sweetest talk with carine. we talked about everything. she makes me feel so safe :( | ok ngl I LOVE the attention on me. i honestly do!!! i can't really help it if I'm amazing right? | had great lunch today for 5 bucks :D | I looked pretty!!! decided to not give a FUCK anymore and went to class with space buns!!! cutie. i know.
• may 07. hyper aware of myself!!!! | being out listening to my celtic music and being around trees is everything to me. no feeling comes close to it. | ok today I was at the herbarium and there was this specimen, from 30/10/1998 and it was so weird. i started to get hyper aware of time and how it affects me. i had already been born!!!! | i absolutely love my friends and I'm glad I'm likeable :")
• may 08. it's weird. I'm always going through the days with my mind made.!!! that people don't pay attention to me. then suddenly the hyper aware wave hits me. people do notice. people do know me. people do like me.!!! some of them like talking to me because they know I listen. some of them like to laugh around me and be dumb because I'm always laughing. some of them want me around bc I'm a nice person. i have a nice heart and good intentions. it's just weird to be aware of it all. | these girls at the math night class looked at me and told me "you're so pretty" and I melted.... | my friends!!!! they mean the world to me!!! i am SO happy i got to know such wonderful people oh my god thank you Lord. | spent a lot of time identifying my plants today but I know my hard work will pay off. while I'm still constructing the concept, I hope I'm strong enough to do it.
• may 09. came home early today! felt pretty great after my nap too. :") | got our papers back from our metep prof!!! she said "parabens pela dedicação!" i almost cried at biochem. | I LOVE BEING FRIENDLY!!!!!! it's what make my heart beat faster. | i love the fact I stood up for myself today. "yes you hurt me constantly and I don't like it one bit. I'm saying this because I grew up thinking people thought twice before they spoke. then I realized I'm in the minority who do that. maybe by saying this I'm helping you to be more delicate and aware that people have feelings." like fuck yeah bitch!!! | bidu was so sweet to me today, came close and sat on my covers .. that is my boy! | watched the office And had sashimi for dinner :")
• may 10. ppl complimenting me :( | I felt cool!!! and very sweet today. | i LOVE what I do!!!! to stand there and recognize plants is the coolest shit I've ever done. also thank you carine :") | I'm happy i get to live in peace. i know it's not easy for everyone, but I'm glad I can be happy with what I have.
• may 11. went out to eat with my family and bought covers!!! | had fun learning genetics today, everything makes sense now!??!? | the URGE to read. i love that feeling | miss chungha is everything to me you know? I'm so glad I fell in love when I heard her voice :(
• may 12. i love bidu and his affectionate ways to express his love for us :( | watched this GREAT ted on plants communication!!! they're so amazing I'm so thankful :") | read I'll give you the sun ! this book calls for me... it's such a wonderful story I can't even describe how I feel when I read it. it's amazing | happy mother's day to my mother and all mothers out there (I mean the wild animals, yes)! went to the mass and the priest asked us to deliver our moms a message. my mom cried when I told her how much i love her :/
• may 13. happy mga day! we went to the park, as our tradition called, and had a Lot of Fun. too bad it was cold. but I had tons of good food and CANDY! and bought a new plant. welcome aboard cutie,! | had some tea and took a nap before studying :") | studied with the vanilla candle and ambience sounds like hp, lotr, narnia... everything good :D | I'm not so worried about the tests anymore. I'll try my best and I will succeed someway somehow.
• may 14. omg I love spending time with my classmates . | this morning I had tea!!! cute bakery makes tea. | laughed a LOT. and learned a lot too. | mika brought me bean candy!!! and I gave her the candy apple. she almost cried :(
• may 15. i had such good food today? @ ginga lol | I'm glad I have people I can count on. otherwise I would've blown my brains out by now. | i love reading!!!! | glad i talked to my prof this morning. the project is going the right way ;D | carine made us tea early in the morning :")
• may 16. omg we went out to pick up our plants this afternoon,? it was the sweetest moment, I swear. | i love it when I'm like :D and someone else is like :D as well because we're both learning? amazing | had great lunch today! aaaand bought another pair of earphones.
• may 17. tea. loving what you do. thinking about how lucky I am. good food. good friends who know what I mean. feeling confident during a test.
• may 18. watching mad about you. | listening to billie marten & hozier. | nature!!! | my dogs. | spending time with iza (watched the x files!!!!) and my parents!!
• may 19. watching the birds and feeding them. listening to feeding seahorses by hand and watching tiny birds go on with their lives. | watching my killing eve! missed having these little moments for myself. | i love my girls so much. and taemin. and kibum! | iza made me a vincent painting :")
• may 20. bought mika a bday gift and it was just this set of rings and she LOVED it? it was cute ngl. | turned on the radio and instantly it started playing "reverend" by kings of leon. that was the highlight of my day, oof!!! | came home at like. 4pm? took a huge nap and it was SO good. i am gonna miss those days bitch.
• may 21. I'm thankful for so many things that happened today! here are a few: having lunch with mariza and talking about life!!!, identifying my own plants and placing my own name???! beautiful, friendships that are worth it. i love my friends, PLANTS!!! need I say more? also listening to the radio.
• may 22. happy rita day :"). thankful for the opportunities but I wish they could be a bit easier. every time I identify something I gain three thousand years of living??? i LOVE studying plants.
• may 23. today was a bit better because of the people around me. and also plants. had lunch at carine's and her family was there??? it was really sweet and I wasn't expecting such sweet parents. got to take a nap after class to study later, just as I like it. listening to 102,5 & raining... very softie.
• may 24. a LOT of things happened today. first I had tons of fun during morning classes. then I laughed my ass OFF during zoo classes. then I aced my maths test,???!!!! and lois met mika???? I'm so happy for today. watching the office while drinking some tea under the covers! that's love!
• may 25. today was rly chill. tea + sun + covers + tv shows!!! i also did my nails, they look cute. music made me company today, thank you.
• may 26. father of the bride is such a good album. i was SO wrong! and biochem is not that bad either? i think things are looking up. the jabuticaba tree (the small one) is filled with fruits!!! they look really pretty. today I got my i love biology shirt and I'm happy for that.
• may 27. I'm just so thankful I have wonderful people around me. and I'm glad I get to experience such good things!!! plants are everything. they're so pretty and so important. just like me???
• may 28. our classes were the best today. our profs really like us and they can tell we like them as well. if fills my heart :"). watched this astrobiology video and it makes me feel so small yet so important????? anyways I looked really pretty today...
• may 29. today was so sweet. had so much fun with carine and sabrina in the lab today!!! also ca talked to me about some things and I'm glad she trusts me enough to talk to me about it :") I also got a 79 score on my math test!!!!!!;; suck my ASS bitch I'm gonna pass this ugly ass class!!!! and uh dad suggested that mom would make me a sandwich for him to bring it to me when he'd pick me up. (his idea, she made it. it was sweet). colored Gram bacteria!!!! THAT was really cool. our monitoring prof (biochem) is just. the sweetest!!!! bitch!!!! i've ever heard!!! teach!!!!
• may 30. weird but good things that happened today: found a convolvulaceae for carine!!! PRETTY!!! / lara helping me calm down before the test :( / the test being quite easy????? / yo la tengo apparently did a concert here??? in mga??? holy shit. / tiny dancer played this morning on the radio and all I could think of was "PLAY FLORENCE'S VERSION FLORENCE FLORENCE FLORENCE!!!!" then the host said "the original got me thinking of Florence's version! let's play a bit of it" pls I almost cried. I'm also doing great with my project!!! our prof this morning wanted me to identify the lauraceae :"). and I'm excited for math!!! already organized my previous annotations and let's gogogooo!!! listened to some good music (my forever faves, the vaccines and arctic monkeys)!!! and spent time with iza :")
• may 31. "natalia what about ur family?" "lauraceae?" lmfaodjdhdjdj. had FUN at the lab today. had breakfast with the girliesss from the second floor & carine! then went to the huem and goddd I love my lauraceans :( ! laughed my ass off with vitor all day. bitch is funny as hell!!! talked to carine, did some work, talked to our prof ahhh I'm honestly happy to be where I am.