✧ — a lot of this is out of context but i think that makes it funnier. from my personal channel in my friends' server, # nyc-sewers

• "little monkey calms down" me when i eat my first meal of the day at 4 pm and suddenly my existence is no longer irreversibly cursed and scorned by god
• who up irresponsibly indulging their frailties...
• you are destined for so much more, god's boy toy
• i am pleased to announce i am in the process of eating non coffee protein shake food items
• i'm really at the level of education now where i know what dialectical materialism is. i always knew university would make me a dirty commie.
• went to the doctor, they diagnosed me with yap syndrome, nicotine dependency, and sarcasm
• at least we have oscar piastri hitting the griddy in this coarse, brutal world
• bro named and gendered his motorcycle. modern men long to be a salty seadog with their named vessel cruising the high seas saying "thar she blows"
• almost makes me forgive the british
• case of the day is this guy who was at a hockey game and got mad so he threw a jar of peanut butter he had for some reason at the ice but he couldn't throw it hard enough and it hit a woman in the front row
• (picture of my hamster looking very cute) the beast is demonic in nature
• BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN COMING BACK TO THEATERSS RAGHGHGHGHGHGH. why don't i have a toxic gay situationship to go watch it with i hate my life
• babe are you ok you're looking at the faithful dogs page on wikipedia again
• (french accent) "detective. instead of thinking about being submissive and breedable you should make sure your paperwork is submitted and readable."
• men should be on their knees begging and pleading more like in general in my opinion
• THOSE CARS ARE GOIN REAL FAST AND REAL LEFT SONNNNN
• l + ratio + no jewel-encrusted epilogue outfit that costs 7007 souls + can't shapeshift + no political sway or great wealth + shooting blanks + docile
• dude sorry to hannibal post on main but this show is so crazy one second you're like "aw hannibal petting a sheep thats nice" and then a guy crawls out of a dead fucking horse
• yk the character design is fire when one of the first autofill results is character name gender
• me when i pull up as a judge and i say based on the facts and issues at hand (not related to any of the listed factors to consider in a child custody case or precedent in any way) IN MY OPINION your kids gone
• THE ASSIGNMENT IS DUE TONIGHT, DON'T FUCKING EDGE ME BY OPENING THE DOCUMENT AND MAKING ME THINK YOU'RE GOING TO HELP AND JUST CLOSE IT MAN PLEASE GOD
• me, talking to my brother: i think dad is autistic, like at least a little. my dad, in the distance: A LITTLE????????????
• my brother and i were playing this horror demo yesterday and while we were split up in a dark building i heard him in the distance on prox chat going "AAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAAAA—" and at the bottom of my screen i just see new creature discovered!
• how do i write this part of my constitutional law essay about obscenity without outing myself as a certifiable freak
• to be clear this isn't the guy i was smoking with, this is just another pushing 40 greying veteran dude with a chevron mustache. dime a dozen these days
• i feel like the duality of man is well described by me reblogging gifs of tyler durden and then writing an essay analyzing him as a physical manifestation of the id in freud's psychoanalytic theory
• ethical dynamics of looking fly as hell
• take that twink's abs away lest i blast you to smithereens
• idc if you said you want a c+ on this project i will DRAG US kicking and screaming to an a+
• shout out the dude taking a nap on a couch on campus at noon with a paper coffee cup in hand. same lil bro
• i fuckign love nine inch nails i want to (blender gif)
• 1261 words deep, tears running down my face, biting and chewing, punching holes in the wall, ripping my hair out . but we ball
• i am waiting for the day that god will humble me for my hubris-fuelled procrastination and thus far that day has not come
• i feel like its such a characterization moment that i sat down to eat a meal that included (amongst other things) mashed potatoes and pulled up a video about the irish potato famine
• in my restless dreams i see that dog (i was, in fact, referring to the dunkaroos kangaroo which i couldn't remember the origin of)
• my friend is telling me about how one of her friends likes whiplash and he listens to like trap remixes of the audio with his pfp as andrew neiman yelling so "we might get along" like idk how to explain to you i like that movie in a depressed music nerd way not in annoying sigma dude bro way sry