• so this is the first thoughts list I've made in a long time.
• birthday and Christmas have passed...be done now, winter.
• our heater doesn't work. I hate my house.
• should have kept a movies list for 2009. ugh. I've seen Away We Go, 500 Days of Summer, Up, Revolutionary Road, Into the Wild.
• watched Into the Wild tonight. it was very interesting.
• maybe I will try to finish Walden this week, finally. I've only been reading it for like, 3 months.
• oh my goodness. so cold. so cold. so cold.
• trying to be more positive about...life. I really need to let go. I think that's my biggest problem. I start to get overwhelmed and worried and stressed but really,...

• sometimes I really don't like myself and the things that I do.
• I'm having a very insecure about myself day.
• I hate food right now.
• it's way too cold.
• I'm a bah humbug.
• I want tights. new glasses. a cute coat. new shoes. new shirts! everything! a new phone. more friends...talent.
• quotes. um.
• I hate my blood sugar.
• I'll sew on patches to all you tear. the way I am is stuck in my head.
• yeah. that's all I have right now.

• I don't know why I was feeling good but now all of a sudden I feel like crap. maybe it's because my dad is annoying and I was looking forward to the biggest loser special all day and it wasn't as great since I didn't know who those people were and dflsghfhrth.
• my blood sugar was crappy all day til it was suddenly 71 and I felt low.
• I need to write the essay question for camp but I have no idea what I want to say or...what to write in the first place.
• and the TV can never be turned off apparently. or at a reasonable volume.
• oh and I want a boyfriend. a freaking boyfriend. please.
• okay I feel a little better. I tried to write the essay and I feel a little better, just because I was dreaaaaading it and nothing was coming to mind before, but when I sat down to write it, thoughts flowe...

• alright so it's technically Wednesday, so I'm starting a new one even though I don't like to count new days unless I've slept and woken up. it's just sometimes my mornings/afternoons and nights feel like totally separate days.
• so tonight was so much fun! I love Alex and Sandy, so so so much. they are the cutest married people ever. it almost makes me have that familiar feeling of "I want thaaaaat," but my happiness when I'm around them overcomes it. so great.
• we went to chili's, barnes and noble, their house, then went "gallavanting." there was an orange slice moon. I learned about Ukraine. Yarta is so cool.
• I saw so much at Barnes and Noble that I loved! there was this stand with all sorts of magnets and notecard sets with great quotes on them. and I loved so many of them and now I can't find the company. rat...

(the title rhymes and that makes me happy)

• um, hey great idea! what up? I just thought about having a little tea party business. having all of the supplies and making all of the food for it. maybe having variations like fairy tea party. heck yes. I wonder if anyone would actually...you know...want to do that. ha.
• my christmas list is a baby elephant bank (like a piggy bank), handmade home by amanda blake soule, and maybe some of the lara bars that I haven't tried. my christmas lists have gotten increasingly weirder the past few years.
• I haven't had a good lunch today because I haven't had lunch yet. ha. I don't know what I'll have. maybe leftover soup.
• oh, so last night, I finished my bag of goldfish then proceeded to eat wheat thins. basically, I ate way too much last nigh...

• goldfish
• cheez its
• ice cream
• pancakes
• applesauce

• neil patrick harris
• conan o'brien
• clinton kelly
• steve carell

• self esteem/body image/self worth, in girls especially (since I am one)
• adoption/kids who haven't been adopted yet

in chronological order

• casting crowns
• switchfoot
• reo speedwagon
• phantom planet
• jack's mannequin
• paramore
• rick springfield
• plain white t's
• jason mraz
• kris allen
• relient k
• rick springfield again

• color: yellow
• fruit: clementines
• number: 22
• flower: chamomile and dahlias
• type of clothing: skirts
• fabric: unbleached cotton
• season: spring
• type of jewelry: rings
• singer (at the moment): mat kearney

# tv show (at the moment): the biggest loser

• move (at the moment): away we go
• pasta: linguine
• girl name (at the moment): naomi
• boy name (at the moment): river
• tree: weeping willow

• : Pomegranates are pretty tasty, but not worth eternal separation from God, in my opinion.
• is supposed to eat food with protein before bed, so of course, she doesn't want anything with protein in it.
• tries to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.
• : I'm trying to write an essay of sorts. Writing is not my strong suit. I almost feel like I'm playing a character when I write because it's just not me.
• saw two kids making out in front of a skating rink - classy!
• is going to spend her Friday night the same way every teenager does, at the grocery store with her mom.
• is not going to make negative statuses anymore.
• doesn't like it when people she hardly kn...

• Sunday = nap day!
• want more food. should not eat more food. bah.
• whatever.

• ah I missed yesterday!
• I saw this picture on the interwebs that I know I had seen somewhere, and I can't remember where, and that is bothering me so much right now.
• also my blood sugar was really high so I feel like an idiot.
• I ate my last pb lara bar yesterday:(
• um. blah blah nutrition. I've found so many good health blogs lately. blogs that aren't all about eating the weirdest foods you can find, but about eating healthy while having a healthy mindset about health. good stuff.
• yesterday, my brother's girlfriend came over. she is very nice. and. yeah, still sucks that I'm the only one without a significant other. I want to bring a boy home.
• oh hey! it's sunny! yes. sunny days are best.

• my blood sugar was just 171 after I ate a donut and didn't take insulin for it. awesome. I was all prepared for it to be 300 or something.
• I think sunday afternoons are the best kind of afternoon. you get all cozy and take a nap. yes.
• I'm now the only person in my family without a boyfriend/girlfriend. my best friend has a boyfriend. two of my closer friends have boyfriends. my cousin has a boyfriend. what. not cool. thankfully it's not making me feel as bad as it might have.
• I have no problem getting my daily fruit requirement.
• waltzing. glasses. ampersand.
• I should keep lara bars in my purse. eat them out and about. why. I don't know. I just freaking love lara bars. the peanut butter cookie ones. so good.
• I want another graham cracker but only to...

• my lunch today is very good. one of my very few reasons for liking winter: soup season and CLEMENTINES. what up.
• yesterday we had cookies and I didn't even want one. what? how weird. I think it's because I ate a lot of good food, good for me food.
• going to eat my lara bar for a snack. lara bars are my new obsession. 2-6 ingredients, whole/natural/awesome and quite tasty? for reaaaaal. so cool.
• I wonder if anyone has me as a favorite on here. that would be neat.

• I want to eat but can't yet. eating either feels like a chore, or something I'm not allowed to do.
• I want to go to Barnes and Noble.
• feeling all writers blocked. not that I'm a writer. but I can't seem to get my thoughts out. which is making me really frustrated.
• I want dad to not be at home. not that it's terrible it's just...it feels like a saturday every single day and that messes me up.
• I hate how I can't do anything without thinking about a thousand things and then needing to write them down.
• STUPID EMAIL WORK PLEASE
• I want a boyfriend. I want a boyfriend. I WANT A BOYFRIEND. it feels like I've been waiting forever. any advice people have doesn't work because I've been doing it for years now.

and by person I mean BOYS.

• accepting
• outgoing without being obnoxious
• likes that I'm shy! or is willing to work with me when I'm being shy
• isn't basically like a brother, in the way he makes fun of me and such
• open minded
• is artistic in some way
• smart
• doesn't like football (!!!)

• arkansas
• oklahoma
• missouri
• iowa
• tennessee
• texas
• massachusetts
• new hampshire
• maine
• mississippi
• louisiana
• alabama
• florida

• well...it's December now. how strange.
• watching Oprah today made me feel all weird and selfish and good at the same time. I want to make a bunch of tote bags and other things to sell, because this man I know at church, who's from Kenya, he said that it only costs $1000 dollars for a teenager in Africa to go to high school for all four years. which is insane.
• I've been reading diabetes blogs and I'm really excited to educate people about it.
• next week Biggest Loser is over and it's just so weird. I watched the very first episode and now they look so skinny! Danny lost most of his weight in his face, I think.
• today I had one out of range blood sugar, 192 or something. and I felt crappy about it then but it's been really good the rest of the day which makes me happy.

• stop being negative. it's annoying.
• man, today was just not good at all. I've been in such a terrible mood all day.
• yesterday was good though. the sky was such a bright blue and it was nice weather.
• I feel like I have said too much...especially on facebook. and I've had a lot fewer statuses now since I decided not to post anything negative. ha.
• I want today to be over so badly. but it's only 8.

• I love Thanksgiving. I love seeing the side of my family that I don't get to see often. I love gratitude. I love food.
• I am finally in possession of the primrose dishes my grandma had. so happy.
• tomorrow will be fun too. man I just love the feeling of this time of year. I know I have a whole list of reasons why I hate winter, but I love the holidays.
• I always hate it when tips for eating better are like, "only eat a little bit of good stuff! it will satisfy your craving and you won't eat a lot." am I the only person who, when they eat something good, want a ton of it? I can't just eat a little bit. it's easier to just not it at all.

• hey guess what! another good lunch today! I have a fruit, different vegetables, protein, carbs. if my bread were whole grain that would be much better, but I'm using what I've got.
• we got lara bars yesterday! and we went back to the store today and got two more because my brother likes them too. I'm going to have a snack this afternoon because my meals are going to be so close together, but totally eating one tonight. yes.
• I discovered something last night. exercises are actually a little bit enjoyable. I keep on forgetting that. they are actually nice because you feel better afterwards. I just had it in my head that I hate them, so I didn't want to do it. I'm dumb sometimes. but I like the mooshy feeling your legs get afterwards. not when they're sore, (although that is strangely pleasurable too!) just mooshy. haha.

• I had another good lunch today but I might be hungry again soon. we'll see.
• and today I don't have a lara bar for a snack. poop. so far I've only liked the ones that have cookie in the title, which is funny. cherry pie was nasty and apple pie was okay but had a weird taste, I think from the pecans or walnuts.
• my teeth hurt from the dentist.
• hm. I don't know. I need to do something productive.
• self esteem, body image, self worth and junk. yep. I'm not sure what I'm thinking today. it always feels weird to go into another day after you have a very introspective day before.
• I want to learn stuff, but I want to learn the stuff that I'm interested in. and I don't really want to be tested on it. I don't learn as well when I feel pressured. or maybe I just don't want to learn it ...

• select harvest soups - $1.25, each can makes two lunches
• subway sandwich - get the footlong for $5, two lunches

• baked goods:
  • cakes
  • cookies
  • brownies
  • pies
• drinks:
  • coffee
  • chai
  • milkshakes
  • green smoothies
• breakfast:
  • pancakes
  • french toast
  • muffins
  • scones
  • donuts
  • cinnamon rolls
  • eggs + bacon

• I make faces all the time
• the more I want something to happen, the less likely it is that it will actually happen
• whenever I get into something, I start to notice/think about things more
  • baking: thought about recipes and things I could make
  • names: started noticing whenever I heard names, thought more about every name I saw, read the stickers on the backs of people's cars that say where their kid goes to school and their name
  • weddings: starting seeing more details and potential in things
  • lists: started thinking in lists/making lists in my head