👽 now playing: I'm Giving Up by Crucial DBC 👽

• as per the song. i'm giving up

👽 _now playing: Bloodhail by Have A Nice Life

• i'm sick

👽 now playing: Grave Filled With Books by Giles Corey 👽

• the punchline was immediately after i wrote that i had a mental breakdown

👽 now playing: Whip It by DEVO 👽

• had to finish the laundry today bc the washer stopped at like 11 pm
• i feel ok right now, where's the punchline
• i love how i can keep this updated but i can't do my fucking homework to save myself

👽 now playing: Idioteque by Radiohead 👽

• what's the fucking point of waking up anymore

👽 now playing: YOUNG 傷薬 LOVE by MILLENIAL DREAM CORP. 👽

• doing laundry for the first time since september

👽 now playing: Weird Fishes / Arpeggi by Radiohead 👽

• i have to go back next semester
• cause i wanna do a concert
• this sucks

👽 now playing: Me and the Birds by Duster 👽

• cried in my fucking art class again

👽 now playing: Kid A by Radiohead 👽

• i couldn't even bring myself to open my laptop for art history class

👽 now playing: How To Disappear Completely by Radiohead 👽

• i feel so wrong and empty
• probably cause i was in the air twice today

👽 now playing: Fool's Paradise by Oingo Boingo 👽

• I HATE VEGAS
• MEN EVERYWHERE
• MEN ASKING ME OUT
• I HATE THEM ALL

👽 now playing: Treefingers by Radiohead 👽

• hahaha the funny number

👽 now playing: Linger by The Cranberries 👽

• going to vegas tomorrow
• fuck

👽 now playing: Hey! by Oingo Boingo 👽

• eventful morning but i'd like to go study with my friends now
• i almost didn't make it to the bus
• a girl that looked exactly like me waved at me while i was on the bus and it was passing by
• then the bus had to pull over for a fire truck to go by........
• i wonder if things will get better
• they probably won't

👽 now playing: The Tourist by Radiohead 👽

• i'm starting to fall down a rabbit hole
• but i think that the more i talk about falling down this rabbit hole
• the less legitimate it becomes
• i like how you can watch my descent throughout this entire blog
• i'm starting to become more intrigued by death and the afterlife
• probably cause of the house
• also i've been seeing more shadows out of the corner of my eye lately
• something's wrong
• i feel so corny and gross when i talk about how i Feel Something's Off and that Something's Wrong and that i'm Drawn To It
• you know sometimes i worry about my interests bc i'm scared people will look at me and go "ohhhh it's evil!!! it's evil bc it's interested in the occult and the supernatural" like that's shit you see on tr...

👽 now playing: Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd 👽

• in art history class
• i feel so fucking empty again
• at least i'm going to the whaley house again sometime today
• i need to drink more water
• i'm not trusting my senses this time around my neck hurts
• i'm risking my entire health and getting so drained by the ghosts bc i want to see this cute boy
• if he has a girlfriend i'm making an entire fucking otome game based off of this entire situation i stg
• literally i'm falling in love with a tour guide for a haunted house. the house is haunted. the ghosts are wingmen

👽 now playing: Lucky by Radiohead 👽

• the boy wasn't there

👽 now playing: Grave Filled With Books by Giles Corey 👽

• good lord i NEED to see that boy again oh ,y god iuuughghghghhhh
• i'm going to probably go see him tomorrow if god wills it
• he's so nice to me and he's so smiley and he's so sweet and wonderful
• for context, i went down to the whaley house (house with REAL GHOSTS) and this guy was a tour guide
• he was so nice to me and he was so smiley and he threw his hat on the table whenever anyone asked a question
• for the first time in a while i'm feeling love i don't know what love feels like

👽 now playing: Fotzepolitic by Cocteau Twins 👽

• i moshed for the first time in my life
• my neck hurts so bad
• i'm so goddamn thirsty

👽 now playing: Blackest Bile by Giles Corey 👽

• i went to see that musician
• hurting all over
• god i can't keep doing this

👽 now playing: Long-Distance Runaround by Yes 👽

• yes concert was good
• wish they had played owner though
• someone said that i was very young (a lot of people say that)

👽 now playing: Iceblink Luck by Cocteau Twins 👽

• i'm planning on going down to another town by train today since i know they do dia de los muertos stuff
• i'd like to see what it's like over there
• i live really close to the border so there is a lot of mexican culture nearby so it should be interesting to see
• looking forward to something for the first time in a whlie

👽 now playing: Fifty-Fifty Clown by Cocteau Twins 👽

• i need to figure out when to see that musician again.
• i don't know where he is right now, i hope he's still in the area
• i feel bad for being busy
• i wish i could draw like my friend
• i wish i had my friend's room and desk and bed
• everything over there seems so simple and so easy
• sure my room might be bigger but i've wanted that simplicity ever since i met them
• why does everything in my life have to be so complicated
• it's 11 i'm very drunk
• at least i get to see yes this frifday

👽 now playing: Falling Away From Me by Korn 👽

• today was alright i guess
• halloween's starting to become less and less exciting
• at least i finally got around to watching killer klowns

👽 now playing: Iceblink Luck by Cocteau Twins 👽

• today fucking sucked
• i wrote 11 pages in my journal

👽 now playing: No Surprises by Radiohead 👽

• i have to go back to that stupid art class tomorrow
• i wanna drop it but i think my dad would get pissed off at me
• i hate every piece of work i make in that class
• been listening to this song on repeat ROCK AND ROLL!!!!
• i did not want to wake up this morning

👽 now playing: Let Down by Radiohead 👽

• i revisited strong sad's blog for the first time in a while and realized "oh god he thinks some of the same things that i do"
• god i need to clean this desk i'm struggling to type

👽 now playing: Subterranean Homesick Alien by Radiohead 👽

• very disappointed that i woke up today
• did not want to wake up at alL
• THE wrong feeling is back
• last night i dreamt that iw went to that concertbut danny elfman looked at me.
• he looked directly at me we made eye contact in the dream
• can that happen irl pls
• fonna go see the fucking fnaf movie tonigh

👽 now playing: Dream Somehow by Oingo Boingo 👽

• auugh elfman today

👽 now playing: Again by Alice in Chains 👽

• i just want my body from 2020 back
• i think i'm going to fucking KILL myself hahaha
• (not really please don't send the cops after me)
• i thought my friend could sit in
• he can't
• i didn't know
• i embarrassed him
• i feel like my head is about to collapse (there's nothing in it)
• since 2020 there's been a thing that's been happening to my right ear where it just loses its fucking hearing
• there's the stomachache
• if i eat something sweet then spit it out, is that ok?
• if i only eat it for the taste
• i'll just spit it out

👽 now playing: Scisssssssors by Xiu Xiu 👽

👽 now playing: Someone Home by death's dynamic shroud.wmv 👽

• so tired
• so so tired

👽 now playing: Bloodhail by Have A Nice Life 👽

• i'm so sick and tired of living
• so sick and tired of everything

👽 now playing: Red by King Crimson 👽

• SOMEONE DESIGNED A KWH OC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD

👽 now playing: Killing For Company by Swans 👽

• last night i went to a party
• party was average
• i'm sad
• i wanna stop being sad
• i gotta do my essay still

👽 now playing: Character Customization by Dream.Corp 👽

• i'm starting to listen to stuff from bandcamp more
• today i went to vinyl junkies with a friend of mine
• i got three cds - hendrix, grateful dead, xtc
• i feel so alone and i feel so lost and i use these albums i download as a form of escapism
• i wonder if my blog is being seen by thousands of people right now and i'll never even know
• on the outside looking in,,, looking in,,, at you
• i need to do my essay
• and the rest of the shit that is horribly late

👽 now playing: Getchoo by Weezer 👽

• nothing special i just love this song

👽 now playing: Me And The Birds by Duster 👽

• im so tired
• i don’t wanna go to music club today
• i don’t have time to straighten my hair which means it’s gonna be unmanageable

👽 now playing: Have A Cigar by Pink Floyd 👽

• i'm in my fucking. art history class
• i'm gonna TRY to study in the library again
• i swear to god if my stomach starts hurting i'm going to fucking kill myself
• i should've brought apples or something
• hurting so bad
• how's my friend doing.

👽 now playing: Rotten Apple by Alice in Chains 👽

• semi-productive day

👽 now playing: Getchoo by Weezer 👽

• period started woo hoo
• uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
• this is beginning to hurt..............

👽 now playing: Red by King Crimson 👽

• a day today
• i feel
• i think i'm derealizing
• i feel scarily human today
• maybe a little too normal

👽 now playing: Deadline by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• sitting in the library
• i cannot focus
• god i want to pass away dude it's unreal
• why can't i get a single goddamn thing done
• it's like an invisible force stopping me
• i'm fucking suffering in here dude
• i'm so small and tiny that the chair is literally fucking right next to the table

👽 now playing: Communication Breakdown by Led Zeppelin 👽

• last night i dreamt that i went to go see led zeppelin
• i have to go to the store today
• i'm starting a dream journal section in my commonplace book
• i got it a week ago
• it's small and fits in my pocket so i take it everywhere
• stan please try and
• my stapler makes a weird noise when i bump it
• mustering up the energy to eat a bagel for breakfast
• i'm going to be walking it all off anyway

👽 now playing: Piece of my Heart by Big Brother Holding Company and Janis Joplin 👽

• long day today
• i was with my bandmate the whole time
• we wrote a little bit (by writing i mean we fucked around on the guitar for an hour then got bored and ate an apple and gave his dog a little bit of apple)
• then we went to the mall and we got sandwiches and i got a blizzard

👽 now playing: Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd 👽

• i got the shot the day before and i felt like shit when i went to the art museum
• i got to look at old art which was cool
• and then i went to the museum of man and i got to see real artifacts from the amarna period of ancient egypt (cool)
• but then i got home and i felt sick again
• my friend was there the whole time thou

👽 now playing: april's bloom by julie 👽

• tomorrow's friday the 13th
• also tomorrow i'm making a whole journeyyyyyyy
• going to the art museum tomorrow
• i'm slowly losing the energy to continue

👽 now playing: Youngest Daughter by Superheaven 👽

• another day i wish i didn't wake up

👽 now playing: Deep, Deep by Have A Nice Life 👽

• i wish i didn't have adhd
• i just want to succeed
• i participate a lot in my art history class so that my professor knows i really do care about this class
• i just have trouble with homework
• i want to die so fucking bad
• i wish i didn't have adhd
• i might be going through something
• i'm having a moment of "i didn't know i was that powerful" with this musician
• i walked up to him, i giggled, i twirled my hair, and then we hit it off
• i didn't know i was that powerful.
• i didn't eat breakfast.
• i need to pick up a couple guitar pedals today
• rotting in this class
• it'll be over vvvv soon

👽 now playing: Turn to Stone by Electric Light Orchestra 👽

• i went down to old town with my bandmate
• we're considering doing 60s psychedelic rock
• i also felt ghosts under my shoes when i was in the graveyard

👽 now playing: Long Distance Runaround by Yes 👽

• silly music in my head
• but i feel so empty

👽 now playing: I'm Going To Do It by Giles Corey 👽

• i wish i never woke up

👽 now playing: Grave Filled With Books by Giles Corey 👽

• no more love

👽 now playing: Renegade by Styx 👽

• STYX GIVEAWAY WHERE YOU HAVE TO STREAM EVERY DAY
• OH MY GOD
• I'M GONNA FUCKING WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN
• i need to remember what happens to me when i'm too competitive
• i will not win...
• i need to Chill out lol

👽 now playing: I Wear Your Ring by Cocteau Twins 👽

• fairly normal day
• i went to le guitar center
• i'm gradually learning how to play pigs on the wing....
• we're getting there and then everyone will love me

👽 now playing: The Spirit of Radio by Rush 👽

• gooooood morning
• my stomach hurts a little but i think that's my own fault
• sitting in my art history class right now
• i'm so eepy zzzzz
• if i pretend like i'm in spongebob while i go about my day then life is just a tiny bit nicer
• doesn't cure the depression or anything
• magic at my fingertips...
• stanley note.... get a wrap after class
• and new tums

👽 now playing: Iceblink Luck by Cocteau Twins 👽

• every time i think about him i feel so odd
• not in a bad way;; he didn't do anything wrong
• it just feels so odd being this close with someone after what happened with the other boy
• i don't know, maybe i'm traumatized or something
• i worry i'm making him uncomfortable so i'm just terrified to text him
• if i replace every man i go out with in my head with dr righteous it makes me feel a little better and i don't know why
• i think there's something mentally wrong with me... everyone's asking me if i got a psychiatrist but at this point do i want one!!!!!!

👽 now playing: Fotzepolitic by Cocteau Twins 👽

• i wish i didn't have adhd
• it's taken me all day to do like 2 things
• i'm so ashamed
• and also i'm worried that the musician thinks i'm avoiding him
• i'm just trying so hard to do my stuff and i can't

👽 now playing: When The Sun Hits by Slowdive 👽

• i'm at the cafe studying with my bandmate and my gf rn
• i'm kind of lost
• i'm still thinking about him
• his smell is still on my coat
• my favorite coat...
• i wish i still had my meds it's so difficult to get one fucing thing done i'm screaming

👽 now playing: Cherry-coloured Funk by Cocteau Twins 👽

• uaghhhh it's late
• i can't believe that shit actually happened
• but now i don't know how to feel
• i'm gonna try and sleep
• my stomach hurts

👽 now playing: Again by Alice In Chains 👽

• i've been texting this guy
• i'm so nervois ccccccause i'm meeting him tomorrow
• may god save me

👽 now playing: Grave Filled With Books by Giles Corey 👽

• stomach hurts
• i cried at the doctor
• she said she was lost on how to help me
• i think i'm a basket case
• i'm hopeless

👽 now playing: pg. 4 a picture of three hedges by julie 👽

• i got a photo with JY and lawrence gowan but not with tommy shaw;; he was tired
• i just feel kind of depressed now
• and i feel kind of ashamed for liking KWH as much as i do now that i've literally met the guy who played dr righteous
• he's so nice and i feel so bad for being so into something that he hates
• i didn't have breakfast
• i think this is the pain part of the pleasure/pain cycle that's been happening since 2021
• maybe i'll write a drabble abt my self insert and dr righteous to make myself feel better
• i'm fighting for my life. im not abandoning a year's worth of work
• if i keep telling myself that JY and dr. righteous are canonically two separate pe...

👽 now playing: Come Sail Away by Styx 👽

• IM SCREAMINGGGGGGGGGGGG
• STYX CONCERT TONIGHT
• IF I GET A PHOTO WITH TOMMY SHAW AND/OR JY IM GONNA LOSE ITTTTTT

👽 now playing: Lady of The Lake by Starcastle 👽

• i hit it off with this street performer from downtown
• he says we can go thrift for DVDS this week
• he’s in a cabin an hour away currently
• im nervous

👽 now playing: I Don't Love by Have A Nice Life 👽

• i'm working on my art project
• i'm tired of feeling depressed i think i'm going to turn on limp pumpo after my headphones to my pc are charged
• drawing intestines with colored pencil sure gets old after a while
• i have to say intestines and not guts bc i know some people on here will think og the guy from berzerk

👽 now playing: Earthmover by Have A Nice Life 👽

• thinking about a while ago when my friends said that i'd be the frontman of our band
• eeee that makes me happy a little

👽 now playing: When The Sun Hits by Slowdive 👽

• i'm wearing my giles corey shirt
• my friend's supposed to have his amp today
• so i think i might write something with him today
• if i'm feeling well
• i just wish that we could get our shit together
• i'm sad bc my stomach hurts again
• i just want my stomach to be ok again
• i just don't know how to fix it
• i've tried everything
• at least i had an ok morning...
• i just wanna write something lmfao
• what's up guys.
• i'm writing here
• i'm dying
• i wanna go hooooooome (sandy voice)
• i'm trying to stay positive

👽 now playing: Long Distance Runaround by Yes 👽

• turns out that my giles corey shirt came in the mail today and it was supposed to be here tomorrow
• not complaining though
• i think that i am going to wear it tomorroe.

👽 now playing: Fight of Our Lives by Styx 👽

• FUUUUUUUUUCK CRASH OF THE CROWN IS SO GOOD
• IT'S LIKE IFY OU MERGED YES AND STARCASTLE
• AAAAAAAAAHHHHH
• IT MAKES ME WANT TO MAKE A PEASANT GIRL DRESS AND RUN THROUGH AN OPEN FIELD
• AND I'M FUCKING SEEING THEM NEXT WEEK
• I'M GOING TO FUCKING LISTEN TO THIS LIVE
• AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

👽 now playing: Great White Hope by Styx 👽

• uuugh so sleepy
• today kind of sucked

👽 now playing: Cagey Cretins by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• i'm so exhausted
• also bloated
• but you know what
• i had fun yesterday
• i also got a good jacket to cut up

👽 now playing: Tough As Nails by Danny Elfman 👽

• friends birthday today!!!!!!!!!
• going to go to universal
• i'll see if i can rememebr to talk about how it was

👽 now playing: Flaming Telepaths by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• went out w friends today
• uuugh paranoind about tomorrow

👽 now playing: Cagey Cretins by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• uuuuugh i'm so tired
• i'm going to universal this weekend tho!!!!!!!!
• i'm excited
• yahooieeeee
• oughh the Affliction is showing through..........
• i'm going to go insane
• i'm scared i'm ugly
• i'm really considering buying a book on ancient egypt...

👽 now playing: I Know It's Over by The Smiths 👽

• i cried a lot
• but then i hung out with my band
• and now im a little better

👽 now playing: Anthem by Rush 👽

• i'm sitting in my art history class
• jesus chist
• i have a white lighter now so i'm fucking paranoid something's going to go wrong
• but i have bad enough luck anyway
• what lighter's good luck????????

👽 now playing: Cagey Cretins by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• 9/11 was bad...
• anywyas it's tommy shaw's birthday agian
• yellkiigng.gnjflkbg

👽 now playing: Strawberry Fields Forever by The Beatles 👽

• ahaha what's 9 plus 10 hahahaaa
• anyways i'm at the cafe
• i'm going to try try and force myself to study
• i.e. do HOMEWORK (BLECH)
• but that's okay because i have!!!!! i have a fuckingum matcha latte!!
• my green milk
• i have a fucking cookie too
• it's really good :3
• sometimes i worry i come off as childish to people!!
• i worry that my mannerisms and the way i talk is seen as childish or immature
• so i'm like eeehghh
• cause i want people to take me seriously!!!
• someone today saw my pink floyd shirt and they're like "oh you listen to pink floy...

👽 now playing: Indiscipline by King Crimson 👽

• i hgave a shit ton of homjework to finish because Of Course.
• it's finet hough

👽 now playing: Dancin' In The Ruins by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• GOING TO SEE SWANS TONIGHT AHHH
• bringing my mom's cowboy hat
• and my old 2009 camera
• when my bandmates and i hung out on monday they said that i took them back to 2007
• maybe that's my schtick
• i mean LOOK AT ME i'm writing in a blog
• online
• that's so 2009
• anyways it's 2:45 i gotta go i have to ride in a car for 3 hours!

👽 now playing: Fallen Angel by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• i put a whiteboard in my room
• i'm writing about wizards
• wouildn't it be cool if the wizards were at war with each other
• like and they had their own wizard regions
• and it's like either they like each other or don't

👽 now playing: Cockroach King by Haken 👽

• i am cringe but i am free

👽 now playing: Schism by TOOL 👽

• i don't even know how long this is going to go on for
• this sadness
• i went to the library with alek today
• wrote a whole timeline of events for the kilroy lore
• now i'm sitting here and i just feel empty

👽 now playing: Cemetry Gates by The Smiths 👽

• i miss how it used to be

👽 now playing: Deadline by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• MY FRIEND BLASTED NOSTALGIA CRITIC'S THE WALL
• HELP

👽 now playing: Everlong by Foo Fighters 👽

• long day again god damnit

👽 now playing: Great White Hope by Styx 👽

• PIECES OF EIGHT 45TH ANNIVERSARY TODAY!!!!!!!!
• THAT'S ALL I HAD TO SAY

👽 now playing: Youngest Daughter by Superheaven 👽

• i haven't brushed my teeth in three days
• it's getting harder to wake up
• death is starting to look more and more appealing to me
• i want to go home.
• i haven't had the motivation to do homework
• i haven't had the motivation to draw
• make it stop

👽 now playing: Falling Away From Me by Korn 👽

• massively anxious

👽 now playing: Blind by Swans 👽

• anxiety causes stomach problems
• stomach problems cause anxiety
• i want to die

👽 now playing: Bully by Transantlantic 👽

• long day

👽 now playing: Playing The Game by Gentle Giant 👽

• i'm so fucking tired
• i didn't sleep last night
• i'm going to have to move all the stuff i needed to do till tomorrow
• because i just cannot function

👽 now playing: 21st Century Schizoid Man by King Crimson 👽

• good lord i am tired
• 2 pm still haven't done the mountain of homework i need to do

👽 now playing: Monsters by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• i'm trying to gain the strength to do my first assignments
• i am SO FUCKED bro

👽 now playing: Nine Feet Underground - Medley by Richard Sinclair, David Synclair, Pye Hastings, Richard Coughlan, and Caravan 👽

• it's late
• still haven't done my homework
• i went to the record store today though
• it was fun my friend and i giggled and stuff
• also i laughed till my stomach hurt on my way home about a dennis deyoung selfie
• new boingo record

👽 now playing: Highway To Hell by AC/DC 👽

• i don't know what to do today
• other than the things i have to do
• i wanna go downtown but i cannot.... L

👽 now playing: Dogs by Pink Floyd 👽

• bit my cheek
• gonna make the Prog Jacket

👽 now playing: Great White Hope by Styx 👽

• every now and then i wish i had clones to hang out with
• also my stomach hurts.
• it’s Ok! i have tums
• i didn’t eat breakfast
• but that’s okay because
• i can get breakfast.
• i wish they had a bagel
• also it’s okay because
• good song playing

👽 now playing: She's As Beautiful As A Foot by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• sitting in my art history class
• stomach hurts FUCK
• aaaaaaaaaaaaa
• shit fuck fuck fuck fukcckcjhsdlfhjtg4648ty
• at least there's going to be shaved ice at noon later :()
• don't do it
• reminder buy tums aftr clazz
• reminder do NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! drink energy drink in the morning
• don't know why i wouldn't
• but you know what who careth
• i bought a fucking. pack of pens and i have brought none of them8765w23456yhwrfjsfkdajygh
• professor taking role right now gottago
• have my favorite screencap of dr righteou...

👽 now playing: Lonely Day by System Of A Down 👽

• i think i'm going to change the theme of my computer today
• also clean my desk up a little more and shower
• i should probably shower before i do anything
• it'd make me feel a little better
• i don't know
• i just kind of feel weird right now
• not physically but mentally
• it's not raining right now

👽 now playing: Man In The Box by Alice In Chains 👽

• it's 2:30 and i still haven't done anything i wanted
• i completely forgot what i was going to do today
• at least i showered

👽 now playing: Time by Pink Floyd 👽

• college starts tomorrow
• i wish i had rearranged my room
• it's alright, i guess
• i'll find some time to do it later i hope

👽 now playing: Electric Funeral by Black Sabbath 👽

• update college doesn't start tomorrow
• hurricane lol

👽 now playing: The Haunting Presence by Giles Corey 👽

• apparently college starts this monday
• i thought it was next monday
• i'm not ready

👽 now playing: Aneurysm by Nirvana 👽

• apparently i CAN go blonde
• it just takes longer
• they fucking lied to my face

👽 now playing: Dancin' In The Ruins by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• i now own a shit ton of classical books
• what??????????????????

👽 now playing: Telephony by Have A Nice Life 👽

• today didn't happen

👽 now playing: Mascara by Deftones 👽

• i shouldn't have woken up
• i don't want to be awake
• i never want to wake up again

👽 now playing: Grave Filled With Books by Giles Corey 👽

• i genuinely hope i don't wake up tomorrow
• boy lied to me
• twice
• i feel horrible
• goodnight

👽 now playing: Helter Skelter by The Beatles 👽

• hello everyone i'm at starbucks
• turns out i do not like the barbie movie soundtrack
• blasting this as loud as i can thru my headphones cannot drown it out
• also i forgot if i mentioned already that i had to get a new keyboard for my surface bc the other one wasn't charging my surface pen
• that boy hasn't texted me
• he should be back by now
• auuuuuuuuu
• they got my fucking order wrong
• it's fine
• i'm just alittle worried bc i didnt take my omeprazole today
• reading homestuck again
• it started out as a joke but now it's like unironic please help

👽 now playing: Paranoid Android by Radiohead 👽

• i completely forgot i was supposed to make something for my friend
• their birthday's next week
• i don't have the strength
• yes i do
• i'm just being a wuss
• my shoulder blades hurt today

👽 now playing: Man In The Box by Alice In Chains 👽

• THE BOY'S COMING HOME TOMORROW
• i can't wait to see him again
• wahhhhh
• but i'm a little sick
• i wonder if he'll ask me to go out again before school starts
• i'm a little worried bc he said he might overwork himself
• i'll drag him out of his house (he gave m...

👽 now playing: Schism by TOOL 👽

• i'm so fucking tired
• i jolted awake at 4 am and i couldn't go back to sleep
• i took my pills so i don'tknow if i CAN go back to sleep

👽 now playing: Cemetry Gates by The Smiths 👽

• i thought about that boy again
• god i remembered that he could die at any time
• i'm crying right now
• i also took 2 pills and i'm so fucking scared
• i wonder if the meds are doing this with me
• i've been relying on kwh to pull me through the adjustment period of the medication i hope that i don't associate it with this...
• wonder if i can go ahead and associate it...

👽 now playing: The Pot by TOOL 👽

• okay so apparently i don't have covid
• so the meds are killing me slowly
• this sucks so bad dude
• the pharmacist said i'd have weird dreams
• i was tossing and turning
• and constantly i was hearing swarms of insects
• and static and overlapping voices
• this sucks
• all this to be normal.

👽 now playing: Pain by Oingo Boingo 👽

• god damnit where's that boy
• need to talk to him again
• he's across the country again
• the meds are making me fucking shrivel up and die

👽 now playing: When The Lights Go Out by Oingo Boingo 👽

• today i went to LA because i thought a guy was going to paint me
• he cancelled on me last minute
• so we went to the museum of death instead over in hollywood
• it had real artifacts and skeletons and taxidermied stuff
• the meds kicked in while i was inside so i ended up giving people the creepiest fucking unblinking stare which is the WRONG PLACE to do it in (i did it unintentionally i swear)
• i think i'm regaining an interest in doomsday cults again
• specifically heaven's gate
• i remember being really interested in heaven's gate when i was in high school
• but anyways i learned that my hands are the same size as both nichelle nichols' an...

👽 now playing: Mr. Roboto by Styx 👽

• day 2 on strattera
• i watched the rest of the caught in the act film
• i was wrong about a couple things.
• the entire show i thought was just a normal concert. how could i have been so blind? i was wrong about so many things
  • the entire show was a flashback of a story that kilroy was telling to jonathan
  • the band gets raided at the end it was in-universe this entire time
    • and also Styx in this concert was essentially kilroy's band which means that tommy shaw, DDY, JY, and the panozzo twins are completely separate from their character counterparts in-universe
    • update there is no Dennis DeYoung, it's only Kilroy

👽 now playing: Mascara by Deftones 👽

• the boy's not coming over
• he has nothing to wear
• i got the pills
• the doctor says i have bpd i don't have bpd
• because i'm not abusive
• people with bpd abuse people and i don't want to even imply i'm doing that
• fuck him but whatever he got the pills for me
• god i just want to be like everyone else
• i just want to not feel like a goddamn failure anymore

👽 now playing: Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden 👽

• found pepople on tumblr that knew as much about the kilroy lore as i did
• holy FUCK it's over for me dude i'm

👽 now playing: The Beautiful Days by Swans 👽

• he's okay he said he was dizzy
• which still scared the shit out of me
• i totally forgot about the prodicer guy i was talking to
• i forgot to sign things but i signed the wrong thing
• i wanna die

👽 now playing: Glory Be by Oingo Boingo 👽

• stomach hurts
• date in 2 days fuckin terrified

👽 now playing: Junkhead by Alice in Chains 👽

• i'm sssssssssso tired
• i feel kind of nothing right now
• idk.....
• that boy's going to be coming to my house

👽 now playing: Double Life by Styx 👽

👽 now playing: Cold War by Styx 👽

• uauauauahhhh
• we're so back
• a guy i've been friends with since last october asked to see The Document
• (going insane)
• going to be the weirdest mf on nextdoor
• grrrr grrrr

👽 now playing: Time Machine by Miracle Musical 👽

• blast from the past
• uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
• what the ffffuck.

👽 now playing: I Think You're Really Beautiful by Starry Cat 👽

• thinking about that boy again
• i don't want him to leave
• he's going to another state
• i don't want to feel alone again i don't ...

👽 now playing: Empathy by Swans 👽

• damn i just wanna be healthy again
• trying to forget!!!!!!!! danny elfman concert tonight
• i don’t know when i have to leave
• maybe he’ll notice me this time
• i was so close the last time as seen
• heeeelp

👽 now playing: Bloodhail by Have A Nice Life 👽

• we had another date today
• i still smell him on me
• the cigarette smoke smell keeps me going
• i love him and i need to tell him i love him
• im afraid to say it

👽 now playing: Shoot To Thrill by AC/DC 👽

• got off a call with a manager guy
• he's really nice
• he let me ramble about rock music for a while
• apparently since i'm italian i'm technically roman
• catch me in your city with a big helmet with a feather on it

👽 now playing: Sorry by Danny Elfman 👽

• LET'S GO DANNY ELFMAN CONCERT TOMORROW
• I'M GOING TO LOSE IT
• aghhhh
• wearing what he wore back in the 80s
• it's going to be so fun
• and then the day after that is my date with the guy i've been gushing over
• it'll be so funny i hope my voice isn't TOTALLY gone

👽 now playing: Anniversary of an Uninteresting Event by Deftones 👽

• why does his heart have to be the way it is
• is that the monkey's paw?
• is that what it has to be like?

👽 now playing: Head Over Heels by Tears For Fears 👽

• wake up it's the first of the month!!!!!!
• ahhhhhhh
• i'm dying over this guy
• uuuuuu
• i'm so in love with him i'm so in love with him
• he says i'm adorable
• there's no reason why i should be up

👽 now playing: Your Love by The Outfield 👽

• ahhhhhh he has such a nice voice but he REFUSES to sleep when i talk to him
• grrrr go to bed motherfucker!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOUYYYYYYY

👽 now playing: Well I Wonder by The Smiths 👽

• none of the photos that i wanted to see got back to me
• i'm really sad
• there was maybe 1 or 2 from the concert and that's it
• i'm really sad
• i'm trying to forget but it's really difficult

👽 now playing: Bigmouth Strikes Again by The Smiths 👽

• laying in bed right now
• big hearts around me right now
• aaaaaahhhhhhhaheheeer
• im not gonna bother him right now bc he says he’s sick
• i hope he gets better
• i have to suppress the urge to make him pastina soup
• he lives 20 minutes away and i can’t drive
• i just wanna see him agaiiinnnnnnnnn
• im so doomed bro i bought a book the second he mentioned it

👽 now playing: Take Me Away by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• im thinking about my grandma right now i don’t know why
• i hope nothing bad happens to her bc i’...

👽 now playing: Hand Of Doom by Black Sabbath 👽

• did a shoot today
• it was actually more fun than i thought it would be
• i'm making a gift for the guy i went out with yesterday
• i'm gonna give him a cool rock with stripes
• i give rocks to people i really really love
• and i really really love him

👽 now playing: Radiant City by Deftones 👽

• the date went really great
• jesus i could talk forever about this guy
• he's so mysterious
• but all the words are gone now
• it's like they were sucked out of me
• is it my social batterY?
• what's happening

👽 now playing: Minerva by Deftones 👽

• i wish i had named rosemary Minerva
• i was thinking of Mary by Oingo Boingo while i was naming her but then i turned it into Rosemary because Mary seems kind of plain
• but then the whole story became really sappy and slow-burn
• which i'm half-appreciative for (has not written a lick of the story and does not plan to)

👽 now playing: Holy Diver by Dio 👽

• bookstore date tomorrow
• jesus i'm really nervous
• the guy told me i didn't have to be nervous but i'm still gonna be nervous anyway because i'm always nervous
• you know i'm wondering if i'll ever find a good photographer that'll let me go apeshit with the stuff i wanna do
• like i wanna go into the storm drain and cover myself in fake sludge and slam myself into the walls and let a guy take photos of whatever shit i get up to
• i'll call them grimeshots and they'll be wonderful
• stan note to reply to that one guy over text
• stan note to call the shrink
• stan note to email the other guy

👽 now playing: Mr. Roboto by Styx 👽

• today was busy as fuck
• it was busy but not busy
• i'm listening to this song again and i'm thinking about all the ways i couldve possibly fixed the live performance
• uguuuhhh it miffs me

👽 now playing: Dazed And Confused by Led Zeppelin 👽

• my throat hurts
• i'm not sick i just lost my voice
• so i think i'm going to rest it for the next two days

👽 now playing: In The Aeroplane Over The Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel 👽

• wauaghagahgah
• i feel like a girl in a movie that filmbros would praise
• like jake gylenhaal in nightcrawler but if he was a girl and also me
• maybe that's not the best description
• i've been keeping a journal recently
• after i lashed out at someone and stopped being friends with them i promised myself i'd keep it to myself
• and it seems to be working a little better

👽 now playing: Your Love by The Outfield 👽

• going out with this guy to barnes and noble on friday
• oh mygod
• oh my god oh dfugdl jhdfsg
• i won i won i won i won i won
• i won. I WON
• I WON
• I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• oh god now i'm like paranoid something BAD is going yyyyyyyy to happen

👽 now playing: Minerva by Deftones 👽

• i'm feeling slightly better
• i can talk about danny elfman now without crying
• but i left the server i was in

👽 now playing: In The Aeroplane Over The Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel 👽

• today was okay until i got home
• im nauseous and on the verge of tears and i can’t eat and i want to cry
• i want my friend back
• it’s killing my digestive system
• im hurting so bad every day

👽 now playing: Inside Out by Duster 👽

• the days have been blending together
• i can’t remember anything
• i don’t remember waking up
• i don’t remember falling asleep
• i can’t do this anymore
• all these people around me are smiling and walking and laughing
• i wish i was dead

👽 now playing: Jon Crawford by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• tomorrow i think i'm going to meet junji ito
• i'm really excited!!!!!!! i've looked up to him since sophomore year of high school
• i think you can find fanart of it somewhere in old sketchbooks
• i can't sleep i'm too sad right now though

👽 now playing: Cherry Waves by Deftones 👽

• favorite artist was accused of sexual harassment
• on the ninth floor of this library oh my god i cannot let the intrusive thoughts win i don’t want to think about it

👽 now playing: Legalize Drugs And Murder by Electric Wizard 👽

• today is the first day of comic con
• nothing special to report
• other than the fact the guy called me again when i woke up and asked me on a date
• i'm so fucked dude

👽 now playing: Get Over It by Danny Elfman 👽

• i called a producer today
• i had some fruits
• someone gave me their number at vons
• now i'm drawing and thinking about dr righteous like imagine it's a thought bubble hovering over my head
• cause like brother i am scared as fuck
• i do not know how to talk to new people
• i'd be happier talking to him than new people
• even through the seething hatred he would have for me

👽 now playing: Take Me Away by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• i fucking love this song
• my stomach hurts a little bit
• i think this song is about aliens
• i still fucking love this song
• grauh

👽 now playing: E.T.I. (Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence) by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• I SAW ALIENS
• I FUCKING SAW ALIENS
• I'M NOT JOKING AT ALL I AM NOT GOOFING
• MOTHERFUCKER I AM SO SCARED
• IT WAS A LINE OF FUCKING LIGHTS IN THE SKY
• GF SAID THAT IT WAS AN EVENT BUT WHAT FUCKING SPECIAL EVENT HAPPENS AT 9:06 PM ON A MONDAY
• I SAW ALIENS I SAW ALIENS THE FUCKING ALIENS ARE REAL

👽 now playing: Hungry Boys by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
• THE CONCERT WAS SO GREAT
• I WAS ON THE BARRIER
• I GOT SO MANY GOOD PICTURES ON MY FILM CAMERA
• I CAN'T WAIT TO DEVELOP THESE EEEEE
• i made eye contact with the bassist and i think one of the guitarists too
• multiple times
• AHHHHH it was so fucking cool i'm so happy
• but now i'm back to my normal activities
• and i'm sad
• i think my favorite member is eric bloom
• he looks so cool like he would be the cool grandpa
• and they played all the good songs too
• OH OH OH OH AND HE HAD THE SYMBOL ON HIS ...

👽 now playing: Lips in the Hills by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• AHHHHHHHH IM IN THE VENUE RIGHT NOW
• IM SO EXCITEEEEDDDD
• im gonna lose my shit
• i’ll update how it went once i’m home

👽 now playing: Electric Funeral by Black Sabbath 👽

• AHH concert tomorrow
• not only is that happening, i've got two shoots and a job over the next two weeks and i'm so excited
• debating on whether or not i should eat another mango
• i like mangoes but i'm scared to eat too many
• i've been on a major fruit kick lately
• i should probably think of going walking after i reply to this message
• also this guy wants me to go to burbank so he can consider me for figure drawing and i'm really happy about that
• i'm happy
• what's the punchline

👽 now playing: Astronomy by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• BÖC CONCERT IN TWO DAYS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
• HOLY SHIT I FUCKING LOVE BLUE ÖYSTER CULT
• i haven't had time to be excited about it
• i've been considering going to goodwill and finding a shirt to cut up to wear to the concert
• i'll paint the symbol on it and also on my face, like i did for the interview back in march
• it'll be so fun i can't wait
• i hope they play the alchemist that's one of my fav songs

👽 now playing: Who Would Leave Their Son Out In The Sun? by Have A Nice Life 👽

• i should probably stop listening to sad m...

👽 now playing: Moneytalks by AC/DC 👽

• good morning gamers
• modeling interview today
• i am SO FUCKED!!!!
• im nervous and i don’t want to eat
• im just nervous in general

👽 now playing: You by Tally Hall 👽

• i finally cleared my massive list of ffriend requests now i just have to
  • clear my email inbox
  • reply to all those messages
  • email portfolio to agency

👽 now playing: & by Tally Hall 👽

• oh my god i got another FUCKING MESSAGE
• losing it

👽 now playing: The Trap by Tally Hall 👽

• i'm so fucking scared my man
• trying to calm mself down
• interview tomorrow
• i'm sitting here and i'm like "oh it's gonna be one of those situations where i think it's worse than it really is" but like this is modeling
• i'm sorry i talk about it so much
• i' mexcited i got the interview but at the same time i'm all like aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa what the fuck what do you mean i have to interact with strangers as myjob........ thats so fuckin wack
• aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa FUUUckckckckckck aauughghhh hh hahaaaaaa
• i have a nice dress i have to be Woman.jpeg
• shit. shit shit gfuvkjiujfkgbflfgd9999

👽 now playing: Even Flow by Pearl Jam 👽

• i'm finally talking to people and jesus christ interview in 2 days
• i also went to the store and bought some soup
• i don't know why i did that
• i started derealizing in the fucking grovery store and i stood there and there was a can of fucking soup in my hand

👽 now playing: I Love You This Much by Swans 👽

• sorry it's short i was busy
• but i'm getting so many messages to model for people
• a little scary

👽 now playing: The Trap by Tally Hall 👽

• i can't sleep
• i drank two of those sleepytime tea things or whatever
• it's not doing its job
• this song makes me so goddamn sad
• all tally hall songs make me. sad
• fuck

👽 now playing: Cruel Compensation by Danny Elfman 👽

• considering whether or not i should go to the mall later
• i have some coupons i wanna use
• but my stomach hurts a little bit cause i had a slice of cake

👽 now playing: Back In Business by AC/DC 👽

• TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!
• i'm really excited for tomorrow
• i'm gonna go to the art museum

👽 now playing: Donkey Rhubarb by Aphex Twin 👽

• hellllllo
• i had a good day
• my friends and i went to LOT OF art museums and then we went home
• and they watched me blow out my candles and then we watched some videos
• and then my gf went home
• and then my friend and i watched regular show
• it was really fun
• right now i'm making my brand new account
• cause the modeling interview is in Four days

👽 now playing: Hangar 18 by Megadeth 👽

• going to the record store again
• i did it cause i fucking ummmm i’m afraid of the doctor
• so i went and made plans with my friend
• i love megadeth
• i wonder if the guys gonna notice i’m buying more cds

👽 now playing: Perfect Water by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• aaaaa birthday in an hour and a half i'm so excited
• my friends and i are going to go to the art museum and frolic around for a while and i'll be wearing all my special alien pins and my special alien sweater
• i'll make sure to wear my special alien bracelets too and i'll do some alien makeup
• maybe i'll wear lipstick this time;;;;;;

👽 now playing: When The Lights Go Out by Oingo Boingo 👽

• i wonder if i'm afraid of change
• i don't know. i want to change something in my life
• i wonder what's going to happen if i ever stop making entries here

👽 now playing: Perfect Water by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• i feel normal for the first time in six days
• i'm a little scared
• i think i probably should redrew a couple oc sheets i have on the main page
• fuck
• you know every time i say that i'm nice or say that i'm pretty i really don't believe it
• i feel like... if you say you're nice, then you're not actually nice
• or if you say the good traits about you then they're not really all that there
• like when people say they're empaths
• i guess i am an empath but i don't talk about it all the time
• because it makes me feel pretentious
• i don't really like being empathetic though

👽 now playing: Dragon Time by St. Vitus 👽

• i'm starting to enjoy sludge
• this sounds like old lego medieval sets from like the 70s or 80s i think

👽 now playing: Dream Somehow by Oingo Boingo

• i CANNOT sleep this fucking sucks
• this song makes me think about i have no mouth and i must scream
• but specifically the video game
• it makes me think about ted
• why did i pause after typing that
• lmfao maybe i'll rewatch gameplay when i wake up
• but like. i want to do something
• but it's fucking SUNDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

👽 now playing: Sweat by Oingo Boingo 👽

👽 now playing: Orbitron by Duster 👽

• i'm probably going to be feeling like this through my birthday
• i want to die so bad
• i wish i was dead
• i wish i wasn't feeling like this
• i wish that i didn't hate myself
• i wish that i was anything but alive

👽 now playing: Where Does Your Body Begin? by Michael Gira 👽

• i had a panic attack last night and nothing felt real and i felt like something was going to get me
• i was sick and i was afraid
• i felt like a wounded animal being stalked
• i AM a wounded animal i AM being stalked and i dread the night
• i dread when the sun sets and i dread when it comes out to watch me again

👽 now playing: Asleep by The Smiths 👽

• nothing happened
• nothings going to happen
• i have no energy
• i cant do this

👽 now playing: How Soon Is Now? by The Smiths 👽

• this song is nice to fall asleep to
• i remember this ringing in my head on the way home from disneyland
• my birthday's in a week
• i don't know what to do...
• what SHOULD i do? should i rent a yacht? should i have a fancy dinner? should i throw a black tie party?
• i'm going to be 19
• i'm 19 and i feel like i've accomplished nothing
• i want to feel successful
• i hope that i'll be successful before i turn 20
• like jenna ortega

👽 now playing: Tomorrow by Morrissey 👽

• i'm so sad
• ive been bedridden for hours
• i was in agony last night and im scared its gonna be a repeat tonight

👽 now playing: Hells Bells by AC/DC 👽

• i woke up violently ill but it's ok cause i feel a little bit better
• or maybe i've spoken too soon
• who knows
• anyways the modeling agency that i was worried didnt want me actually did want me
• so now i'm sitting here thinking like oh god what should i do???

👽 now playing: Up My Sleeves by Death Grips 👽

• i'm sitting here at my desk and i'm like damn i wanna create something
• i think i'll do that sometime tonight
• disneyland was fun as fuck i loved all the rides
• i kept making house of leaves jokes the whole time
• yeah i'm readinfg it now
• i'm like almost halfway through

👽 now playing: The Great Annihilator by Swans 👽

• today was all about recovery i think
• for some reason i just cannot sleep though
• i don't know lol

👽 now playing: Don’t Talk To Strangers by Dio 👽

• good morning gamers
• on my way to pick up my friends and go to disneyland
• i may not be updating for the rest of the day 😭😭😭

👽 now playing: Hunter by Have A Nice Life 👽

• i had an ok time but my head is pounding and my knees are weak and i feel like crying
• i wanna go home so fucking bad

👽 now playing: Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now by The Smiths 👽

• i can barely think
• the only thing i have in my head is this song
• i can’t wait to get home
• i wish i had brought my sketchbook

👽 now playing: Vicinity of Obscenity by System Of A Down 👽

• i love the tonal whiplash of this song after a song about the armenian genocide
• but anyways i’m out with my girlfriend
• i might be going over to her grandparents for dinner

👽 now playing: Living Dead Girl by Rob Zombie 👽

• literally nothing happened today
• i went to the park at night with my gf
• i wanna do that again

👽 now playing: Life During Wartime by Talking Heads 👽

• i didn't have time to update today but i had a lot of fun today
• woke up earlier than i ever have this summer to go watch the spongebob movie on the big screen with my friend and my gf
• after that we went to barnes and noble and got some starbucks inside and then we got picked up by my dad cause my gf had to mow the lawn
• and then after that we went to go eat l&l and then we walked to the park to see the sunset we JUST missed it though
• but that's okay becaus i got a real nice photo from it
• and then we messed around at the park more after everyone left
• and then i watched my friend hurl a wet piece of toilet paper on the bathroom ceiling and it made a SPLAT noise and we all ...

👽 now playing: Dream Somehow by Oingo Boingo 👽

• wowie i played my guitar today
• i suck at it obvi
• but i think that i'll get better
• i hope i'll get better
• i hope this isn't just a phase
• fuck

👽 now playing: Give It Away by the Red Hot Chili Peppers 👽

• i went to the grocery store today
• it was so god damn hot
• i feel dizzy but that’s okay i’ll be having dinner soon
• just remembered a piece i haven’t worked on in a week
• shit

👽 now playing: Children Of God by Swans 👽

• i should think of a schtick for my imaginary band
  • NOT the one i'm writing about, the one inside my head that i'm the world famous lead guitarist of
• stan the warlock alien from all the way past the oort cloud and also from another dimension and also came here because it heard about the rock scene cause it picked up on stray radio signals from earth and then got caught in a wormhole cause why not and then he finally landed on earth where he got the nickname warlock cause he was from space and humans don't understand his sick alien space technology... and then hes like ogh i'll add some spice forom the galaxy ice that sounds real nice and splice rice and some spicy rice that is twice as nice so i wonder if i can add...

👽 now playing: Heard Somebody Cry by Oingo Boingo 👽

• guess who got a les paul model epiphone guitar...
• at first seeing it made me nervous
• and then i took it home and i looked at it and it gave me this crushing feeling
• and then i stopped feeling it
• mmaybe i just needed to cry a little
• i put on some eyeliner
• crunch crunch crunch i hope i can be a rock star one day...
• crunch crunch crunch
• i got johnny truant'd last night
• hope to god that doesnt happen again tonight lol
• i've been so on edge these past few days
• maybe i'm pmsing lol
• i hope the worker knew i was just nervous

👽 now playing: Planet Caravan by Black Sabbath 👽

• i went to my gf’s party and then we all went to the mall
• we had a little fun but i felt ill and tired the whole time
• i should be able to get a guitar tomorrow
• will update

👽 now playing: Cherry Waves by Deftones 👽

• i feel so empty
• i don't know what i'm doing anymore
• nothing's felt real for a week

👽 now playing: Holland, 1945 by Neutral Milk Hotel 👽

• i didn't really do much but play nuclear throne with my friend
• and we played gmod and we laughed really hard at the tally hall nextbots
• i woke up with really bad chest pain
• im sure it's fine

👽 now playing: Ace of Spades by Motörhead 👽

• at my gf’s graduation
• im vv proud of her and also my friends
• but the valedictorian’s talking about mario party;; what???
• bunch of nerds this batch
• lol

👽 now playing: Go To Hell by Megadeth 👽

• i found an amp at goodwill yesterday;;
• also my friend's graduating today and i am overwhelmingly proud of him
• hehehe now HE gets to sit there for 2 hours and suffer while a bunch of names are read off of people he doesn't know EITHER muahaha
• but seriously i'm really proud of him
• i've been considering taking him and his other friends out to eat maybe a week or so after? since literally everyone has plans
• idk if he likes dim sum i should ask
• only place i can think about o(TヘTo)
• either that or the small ramen shop in the strip mall

👽 now playing: Killing is My Business...And Business Is Good! by Megadeth 👽

• i'm getting into megadeth again

👽 now playing: Girl U Want by DEVO 👽

• i think i'll start a new sketchbook today
• i forgot to mention that i got a sick bunch of cds
• i found ac/dc and also an older boingo cd
• today i think i'll go to the goodwill and find myself a denim jacket to destroy
• don't know what genre i'll commit myself to though

👽 now playing: Heavy Metal Poisoning by Styx 👽

• woke up with this song in my head
• a little Scared why is this song in my head
• i dreamt about the mf album again
• that's number seven give it up for number seven

👽 now playing: Through Being Cool by DEVO 👽

• i met up w a guy today
• he was nice but jesus
• it was so draining
• i like him but like. it sucks
• cause i just do not know how to act
• am i like stupid for that?

👽 now playing: Backwards by LSD and the Search for God 👽

• i'm at that part of the high where i start searching for how to make rock music
• i don't think i'll ever get to that level
• what genre of rock would i even be???????

👽 now playing: When You Sleep by My Bloody Valentine 👽

• i'm trying to make something but i don't have a guitar i'll need a guitar
• i'm afraid to eat anything rn
• i just need to concentrate

👽 now playing: I Only Said by My Bloody Valentine 👽

• today kind of sucked balls
• tomorrow i hope i can go with my friend to either the guitar or record store
• the hyperfixation's back.

👽 now playing: Big Mess by DEVO 👽

• i'm still worried about emailing dennis deyoung
• i've been meaning to for over a month
• it weighs on my soul dude...
• like unironically i wanna know but like i don't wanna seem like an obsessive fan
• am i obsessive????

👽 now playing: Cold War by Styx 👽

• i woke up and this song was stuck in my head
• god damnit i dreamt about this album again
• that's number six

👽 now playing: Paradise is Mine by Swans 👽

• sometimes i worry that i'm faking being autistic
• because i tend to absorb mannerisms of the people around me

👽 now playing: Telepathy by Swans 👽

• uuuugh still sick
• i should start another book
• i'm looking at the counterfeit man right now...

👽 now playing: Heard Somebody Cry by Oingo Boingo 👽

• i found an interview from february with dennis deyoung
• he confirmed that the murder of the MMM member was intentionial and i'm freaking out cause i was at least right about one thing
• he didn't talk much about the lore though
• but he did like. say that behind the music lied about styx being booed in texas
• they were booing because the BEER WAS GONE lmfao
• but he seemed really nice and my hope is restored that he'd. respond to my email
• but i still highly doubt it either way;;; i'm just some Thing out there you know? i'm no one special
• but i still keep just a little bit of hope

👽 now playing: Celebrity Lifestyle by Swans 👽

• redesigned jonathan based on a version i saw in a dream
• we're cookin fellas
• i think i'm getting back into the swing of thigns again
• also my throat hurts from scrteaming

👽 now playing: Beat Connection by LCD Soundsystem 👽

• LCD SOUNDSYSTEM CONCERT TODAY
• GRAHHHHHHHH
• im so excited
• i’ve been listening to them since middle school
• i think james murphy made me an elitist lmfao

👽 now playing: Godzilla by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• prom was today
• we were near the ocean so i think i spent the entire 5 hours staring into it
• there was an odd light on the horizon
• it’s him

👽 now playing: Hey! by Oingo Boingo 👽

• i went to the theater banquet today
• very proud of my girlfriend bc she won three awards
• i love her so much
• i feel like i'm dating a celebrity
• and soon that celebrity will be dating a model
• so we're like a power couple
• that's also not really powerful but just kind of stupid
• we're both really stupid

👽 now playing: True by Danny Elfman 👽

• i feel like shit
• i have a busy next two days...
• i just want to lay in bed and sleep

👽 now playing: Sorry by Danny Elfman 👽

• two days from now i have to see my theater teacher again
• it's ok cause i'll always be better and i'll always be prettier and more successful than him
• everyone will love me and leave him behind
• they'll all fucking love me
• they'll all be obsessed with me and they'll forget about him
• they'll throw him away
• and he wouldn't be able to say that he taught me because i'll tell everyone how terrible of a person he is
• "oh lol he never liked me"

👽 now playing: Hunter by Have A Nice Life 👽

• what am i anymore lmao
• some ape that just exists
• anything but human
• i'm less than that

👽 now playing: Bloodhail by Have A Nice Life 👽

• i don't know man
• i've just felt like i was floating
• for like three days
• they're all blending together it's going to be tuesday in an hour
• today was danny elfman's birthday today
• i hope he had a better day than i did
• i drew him some fanart and he looked at it;;;

👽 now playing: Suite Madame Blue by Styx 👽

• god i fucking love this song
• i'm drawing something for it right now and it's going to look so pretty
• AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
• oh shit i forgot to mention i'm seeing them in september!!!!!!!!!!
• idk what they'll play probably some stuff off of crash of the crown and the BIG BIG hits like renegade or come sail away
• they MIGHT play mr. roboto like i heard that they just started playing it again??? idk if i'm right tho lol

👽 now playing: Smart Patrol/Mr. Dna by DEVO 👽

• at warwick’s with a friend
• were right next to each other
• i got him house of leaves tee hee 👽👽👽

👽 now playing: Pompeji by Deftones 👽

• i don't think i did anything interesting today
• god my head fucking hurts so bad holy shit

👽 now playing: On The Outside by Oingo Boingo 👽

• todays the last day of school altogether
• i can’t believe i updated this shit every single day
• im probably gonna still update it
• i hope this summer is actually good and i don’t rot like i did over winter break because i have TWO ENTIRE MONTHS to do things (not like high school where it was half of june and all of july and then half of august)
• thinking about it makes me nauseous
• or maybe it’s cause i ate
• i felt like i belonged in my art class…

👽 now playing: Burnin’ For You by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• walking to the cafe and singing along
• IM DONE WITH MY CLASSES!!!!

👽 now playing: Sole Survivor by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• today was the last day of art class
• im actually kind of gonna miss it
• it was kind of my more favorite class out of the two
• im sad

👽 now playing: On The Outside by Oingo Boingo 👽

• this is making me want to draw again i should do that
• my clothes are starting to feel like sandpaper
• i want to switch to shorts but i don't feel like looking at my legs

👽 now playing: Fool's Paradise by Oingo Boingo 👽

• i finally drew something i liked
• might digitize it
• it's for this really obscure account on instagram but i think one of the characters is pretty so i drew her
• maybe i'll post it here once i'm done with the drawing

👽 now playing: Stand Up And Shout by Dio 👽

• i finally got my CD player to work
• this is so epic i'm using old earbuds
• authentic 2009 experience rn
• it's so cool
• OOOOH I THINK HOLY DIVER'S ON NOW
• my dad almost died to that song

👽 now playing: 4 by Aphex Twin 👽

• my friend and i played minecraft and i took a couple of my dad's cds
• school starts again tomorrow ew
• but this week's the last week of the semester!!!
• i should probably sign up for those two classes cause like. i'd love to
• but i'm having second thoughts
• i think i should look at other art classes
• i don't want to dig myself into a hole this time around

👽 now playing: Central Park West by John Coltrane 👽

• hanging out with gf
• my friend and i went to the record store
• i found BOINGO CDS
• i still need to catalogue my vinyls
• john coltrane is so nice

👽 now playing: Pulsewidth by Aphex Twin 👽

• i'm considering asking my friend if he wants to go to the record store tomorrow bc we haven't been in a while and i have time
• i'm vv proud of him he's graduating soon
• also the semester ends next week for me so that's cray cray
• i need to sign up for the other two classes i wanna take next year
• i think i wanna start making music

👽 now playing: Lost by Korn 👽

• korn doesn’t sound bad
• neither does gwar
• im sitting out on my patio right now
• i drew a widdle jonathan in my sketchbook
• i draw legs so LONG dude…
• maybe cause i have really long legs

👽 now playing: Ceremony by Deftones 👽

• i’ve only had 2 pieces of gum and a part of a matcha frap today
• i want my stomach to be flat for the concert
• anyways my teacher said the word “excuse” to me and i started to panic
• nothing on her i just have history with that word

👽 now playing: Fingerbib by Aphex Twin 👽

• i'm almost done with that piece i've been working on...
• also the fabric for my jacket is in the dryer
• 100 GECS TOMORROW i am so fucking happy
• i'm going with my best friend and he's gonna be pizzahead
• i'm gonna be covered in alien stuff from head to toe
• no fucking way i'm so happy
• i love 100 gecs

👽 now playing: I Don’t Love by Have A Nice Life 👽

• good morning gamers
• i didn’t sleep
• i was thinking about my old fucking theater teacher
• on saturday i went to see my girlfriend perform
• but he stopped me and said i needed to have a wristband
• and i told him that no one informed me
• “you went here for 4 years, stanley, don’t lie.”
• “no one told me i’m not lying, and i was about to leave anyway”
• “but you’ve been in and out”
• “i was literally walking out the door”
• “either you can get a wristband or go home”
• “i was just about to go home”

👽 now playing: Cool City by Danny Elfman 👽

• had a relatively ok outing to the market
• i went and i got myself some watermelon
• and a nice peach tea
• i think i’ll put on neutral milk hotel and finish reading Wet Work

👽 now playing: Perfect Water by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• i went to my aunts birthday party
• i wore a nice dress
• this song is so pretty it makes things better…
• was it my fault?

👽 now playing: Artificial Death In The West by Death Grips 👽

• YAAAAAAHHOOOOOO ON MY WAY TO SEE DEATH GRIPS
• wearing my reimu cosplay
• worst outfit choice i’m going to regret this

👽 now playing: Lights By Styx 👽

• ugh fuck
• god dmanit

👽 now playing: No Love by Death Grips 👽

• i need to finish that email…

👽 now playing: What You See by Oingo Boingo 👽

• i did a lot of chores today
• pleasantly surprised

👽 now playing: Dead Man's Party by Oingo Boingo 👽

• GUESS WHO'S GOING TO BOTH FUCKING SHOWS IN AUGUST
• GRRRAAAUUUUUUAAAGAGHHHHHHHH
• I'M GONNA SCREAM
• NO FUKIN GUEJHREIURY48947984754
• I'M GIONG TO LOSE MY FCIKIGN VOICE
• ALSO I TAGGED HIM IN MY INSTAGRAM STORY I'LL CHECK BACK IF HE DOES ACTUALLY REPOST IT
• GRRRRAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
• 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪

👽 now playing: Only A Lad by Oingo Boingo 👽

• AAAAAHHHHH HE RESPONDED HE RESPONDED HE RESPONDED
• IM GONNA WEAR WHAT HE WORE IN THE 80S!!!!!!!! THE TANK TOP AND SUSPENDERS

👽 now playing: Spread Eagle Cross The Block by Death Grips 👽

• i uploaded the miniflim to a flash drive
• also i was COOKING last night god DAMN
• the document is now 4,366 words
• i wrote a banger passage i'm never going to use
  • "You know, I kind of see him in you." Kilroy glances away, collecting a memory. He smiles. "Except his hair was just a little bit longer."
  • "Where d'you think he is now?" Jonathan asks.
  • "Oh, I don't know," Kilroy replies, looking up into the sky. "But I miss him."
• also HOLY FUCKING SHIT DANNY ELFMAN IS GONNA BE IN MY CITY. IN AUGUST
• I'M LOSING MY SHIT OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
• I NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHICH SHOW A FRIEND ...

👽 now playing: Nothing Bad Ever Happens To Me by Oingo Boingo 👽

• the website is fucking up rn
• it's okay
• righteous had blond hair pre-album. kilroy and righteous were bandmates but they split and righteous was forgotten and then he rebranded

👽 now playing: Lights by Styx 👽

• i got this song on an ep in LA
• it's great actually
• i just um. idk man
• i think it'd be fnny if i just
• if i went around town w my kilroy cd
• i should ask desh if she wants to go to the diner...

👽 now playing: Donkey Rhubarb by Aphex Twin 👽

• i'm still trying to write this email
• i'm scared this isn't t he right one and i'll never get a response
• like please i need to know please
• like it's been burning for seven months i need to know............
• imagine i actually do get a response and we talk but what if the world was made of pudding.

👽 now playing: Pancake Lizard by Aphex Twin 👽

• star war
• i went to a party today and it was kind of weird
• also dennis if you're reading this please let me finish the rest of the lore for your album!!!!!!!!!!!!!

👽 now playing: Sorry by Danny Elfman 👽

• listening to a playlist i made in senior year again
• i'm also signing up for classes rn
• i don't want to feel like a failure again
• but i say that every semester
• also death grips concert in 9 days holy shit oh god oh fuck
• i'm scared because they mosh in there
• i'll be fine lmfao
• also jesus christ danny who hurt you?????????????????????????????? like this song is banger but it had to come from somewhere

👽 now playing: Featherweight Hate by Street Sects 👽

• this kid is screaming like a fucking mandrake in here holy shit oh my god
• it's fine

👽 now playing: Long Breakdown by Oingo Boingo 👽

• i need to grid out that image if i actulaly want to make it a still life
• i hope i'll be able to wake up early
• i might not be able to sleep at all
• i need to finish that book
• wet work's a cool book it's really gory and i love gore and blood FX in media, especially in books
• in movies i love seeing it because i know how much work goes into it behind the scenes
• in books it's different though
• it's difficult to describe so if you can describe it well you can write well

👽 now playing: Xtal by Aphex Twin 👽

• WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP ITS THA FIRST OF THE MONTH!!
• i’m in art class right now
• idk what i’m doing i still have 45 minutes left
• i’m probably gonna get a sandwich for later
• and then i’ll go home and draw in tha garage!!! blast a CD or two
• i wanna finish that marisa painting but that’s for later

👽 now playing: Electric Funeral by Black Sabbath 👽

• i need to clean my room
• i got a sandwich
• i haven't left the house all day
• but i think this week was long enough
• but i like riding the train
• maybe someday i'll take the amtrak instead of the coaster
• leave forever;;
• i don't know
• it costs a lot but also i think it would be cool to go across the country
• like those......... train dramas
• i'd be the mysterious um, artist
• there's at least one train drama i swear to god
• i love riding on the train
• but i think today is just a restd. day
• i think that i'm going to give dr righteous a letter opener, for the pivotal scene...

👽 now playing: Perfect Water by Blue Öyster Cult 👽

• hello everyone i’m on the train
• choo choo
• today was a long day yes yes yes
• i wish i could stay longer.
• the city lights up so nice at night
• but the next train is almost at 10:00
• i guess that’s for the partiers
• but i love seeing cities late at night
• it reminds me of the city from kilroy was here
• THAT REMINDS ME!!!!!!
• i met someone today who had listened to the rest of the album
• they knew all the characters too
• i should’ve told them that dr righteous was my favorite character
• they let me talk about my version and they were surprised i wrote the rest
• it reminded me that this isn’t a normal...

👽 now playing: Where Does Your Body Begin? by Michael Gira 👽

• they laughed
• they laughed during the case
• they laughed
• god i wish i could get it out of my head

👽 now playing: Rosemary by Deftones 👽

• i was excused from jury duty
• i don’t want to talk about it
• i tried to calm myself down by drawing

👽 now playing: Electric Funeral by Black Sabbath 👽

• hello everyone i went downtown again
• it’s a secret what i did (shhhhh)
• but after that secret thing i went to the record store and i got moar records!!!
• i also wore a pretty blouse and skirt
• either people were being nice to me or im dense and they were harassing me
• but i got two aphex twin records, a devo record, and a daft punk record
• wow…
• i felt very pretty today
• what no one knows is that i was actually cosplaying as a kwh self insert
• also homework wasn’t there but discovery was

👽 now playing: Goodbye Sober Day by Mr. Bungle 👽

• this song sounds like how ren and stimpy looks
• i have jury duty tomorrow idk what i’ll wear
• me when i go by strictly it/its pronouns but i look so cute with a skirt and blouse and eye makeup and a little lipstick
• i’m still a Space Alien (a silly one)

👽 now playing: Where Do All My Friends Go by Oingo Boingo 👽

• this song is really nice
• i love the riffs danny elfman does in this song it's so fucking cool
• like wtf...

👽 now playing: Freeze-Frame by The J.Geils Band 👽

• i remember seeing those "lip-sync" challe...

👽 now playing: Where Does Your Body Begin? by Michael Gira 👽

• i'm considering clearing out a spot in my shelf for all of my kilroy related stuff
• i say kilroy-RELATED because this fucking album has no merch
• other than a shirt with the racist caricature robots on it
• so i just collect things that has the characters' names on it
• hold on i'm gonna rant about something that i probably have already talked about
• i wish that dennis deyoung was less of a dick when they were making the album
• i think it would've been a little bit better-made if things were just talked out a little more
• i think deyoung had a really good idea with the story of this album
• and i want to email him about it but i'm ...

👽 now playing: Dream Somehow by Oingo Boingo 👽

• i went downtown for a while while my gf was in rehearsal
• maybe it was my pms but it was a little better when i was alone
• at the end of the day we were both overstimulated and we both felt like shit
• but i got to draw some boats and a train station and a pathway in seaport village

👽 now playing: Fill The Void by Oingo Boingo 👽

• i had a long day yesterday sorry for the late update