don: "it's a person. a doctor pronounces her dead, not the news."

mackenzie: "gather ye rosebuds, jim!"

jim: "i accidentally gathered the wrong rosebuds"

don: "would you consider us a couple?"

sloan: "i don't understand the question..."

will: "and yeah, you, sorority girl. just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth one day, there's some things you should know, and one of them is, there's absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we're the greatest country in the world. we're 7th in literacy, 27th in math, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, 3rd in median household income, #4 in labor force, and #4 in exports. we lead the world in only 3 categories: # of incarcerated citizens per capita, # of adults who believe angels are real, and defense spending, where we spend more than the next 26 countries combined. 25 of whom are allies. now, none of this is the fault of a 20 year old college student, but you, nonetheless, are without a doubt a member of the worst, period, generation, period, ever, period, so when you ask, "what makes us the greatest country in the world?" i dunno know what the fuck you're talking about! yosemite? (pause) it sure used to be. we stood up for what was right. we fought for moral reasons, we passed laws, struck down laws for moral reasons, we waged wars on poverty, not poor people. we sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors. we put our money where our mouths were, and we never beat our chest. we built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases, and we cultivated the world's greatest artists & the world's greatest economy. we reached for the stars, acted like men. we aspired to intelligence, we didn't belittle it, it didn't make us feel inferior. we didn't identify ourselves by who we voted for in our last election, and we didn't (sighs)... we didn't scare so easy... huh. we were able to be all these things, and to do all these things, because we were informed. by great men, men who were revered. first step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. america is not the greatest country in the world anymore." (pause, then to the moderator): "enough?"

charlie: "i'm a MARINE, don, i will beat the SHIT out of you, i don't care how many protein bars you eat!"

charlie: "you're dating?"

will: "i am. i've decided to live my life as if i'm alive."

charlie: "if a news outlet doesn't have credibility, it doesn't matter what else it has. that's a fact."

maggie (screaming at a sex & the city tour bus): "hey! no, they didn't! i'm a typical single woman in new york city! i don't wear heels to work because the typical woman's job doesn't exclusively involve gallery openings. and i know carrie must have made boatloads writing her 800-word column for a newspaper no one's ever heard of but i just spent my last $7 having a fight with my best friend who, by the way, is not available at 3:00 p.m. on a wednesday to console me about some guy, because she, too, has a job. and mostly, when you fall for a guy and he's going out with your best friend, it doesn't work out. things get really bad!"

maggie: "i never knew what the word 'smug' meant until i met you."

jim: "you're 26 and you never knew what the word 'smug' meant?"

maggie: "right there!"

nina howard: iIt said, "hey, mac, it's me. look, i'm not just saying this because i'm high. i've never stopped loving you. you were spectacular tonight." then there's a pause and you say, "can you believe we got obama?"

pilot: "is there a problem, sir?"

don: (sees the pilot's rank, his flying wings, and the united airlines logo on his nameplate; he has realized the significance - that the man, his co-pilot & the flight attendant most likely lost friends & colleagues on UA flights 175 & 93): "captain, my name is don keefer. that's elliot hirsch and that's sloan sabbith. we work for atlantis cable news. and we wanted you & your first officer and flight attendant crazy lady to be the first ones on this plane to know that our armed forces killed osama bin laden for you tonight... yeah, i was asking how paranoid you have to-" (suddenly falters) "you have to be-" (...) "yes, sir?"

pilot: "sir? sir? ...you're serious?"

sloan: "a lot of men are intimidated by my intelligence."

sloan: "i'm the closest thing to a female friend that you have, right?"

mackenzie: "are you saying that i don't have female friends, or that you're not entirely female?"

sloan: "the greater fool is actually an economic term. the greater fool is a patsy. for the rest of us to profit, we need a greater fool, someone who will buy long and sell short. most people spend their lives trying not to be the greater fool; we toss him the hot potato, we dive for his seat when the music stops. the greater fool is someone with the perfect blend of self-delusion and ego to think that he can succeed where others have failed. this whole country was made by greater fools."

will (on the tea party's politics): "ideological purity. compromise as weakness. a fundamentalist belief in scriptural literalism. denying science. unmoved by facts. undeterred by new information. a hostile fear of progress. a demonization of education. a need to control women's bodies. severe xenophobia. tribal mentality. intolerance of dissent & a pathological hatred of the US government. they call themselves the 'tea party'. they can call themselves 'conservatives', and they can even call themselves 'republicans', though republicans certainly shouldn't. but we should call them what they are - the american taliban."

charlie: "god didn't give her humanity! that's why she's a gossip columnist!"

will: "i'm a registered republican, i only seem liberal because i believe that hurricanes are caused by high barometric pressure and not gay marriage."

will: "okay. here are some things done on american soil in the name of christianity. the ku klux klan burned down black churches, raped women, murdered civil rights workers, murdered children and terrorized communities for over a century. the neo-nazis all acted & continue to act in the name of white christian supremacy. the army of god fatally attacks abortion clinics & doctors across the country. the covenant, the sword and the arm of the lord targets local police & federal agents. the federal building in oklahoma city. the attempted assassination of ronald reagan & the successful assassinations of martin luther king, john f. kennedy, john lennon, and abraham lincoln, all perpetrated by christians. miss greer, we weren't attacked by muslims, we were attacked by sociopaths, and i for one would join you in protesting a community center for the criminally insane, but no one is suggesting building one."

taylor: "and i'm wondering, with all respect, do you call yourself a republican so you can make a claim to credibility when you attack the GOP?"

will: "no, i call myself a republican 'cause i am one. i believe in market solutions and i believe in common sense realities & the necessity to defend ourselves against a dangerous world and that's about it. problem is now i have to be homophobic. i have to count the number of times people go to church. i have to deny facts & think scientific research is a long con. i have to think poor people are getting a sweet ride. and i have to have such a stunning inferiority complex that i fear education & intellect in the 21st century. but most of all, the biggest new requirement, really the only requirement, is that i have to hate democrats. and i have to hate chris christie for not spitting on the president when he got off air force one. the two-party system is crucial to the whole operation. there's honor in being the loyal opposition. and i'm a republican for the same reasons you are. so i hope your voice gets louder in the next four years."