SIMPLESMENTE A MAIOR E MELHOR FANFIC DO UNIVERSO ♡

• ''People call Zack Snyder a visionary genius and they clearly haven't met King Paul''
• ''So... how's Mrs. Brown's relationship status?'' ''She's married, and I'd appreciate if you'd stop asking me that.''
• ''But just how bad are those boys?''
• ''Exactly, you rainbow-infused space unicorn. Let's instead watch You 2.'' ''A concert show of that band, U2?''
• ''It's a really awesome film, you'll love it, and find it weird because R-Rated stuff is not really your thing.'' ''I'll manage. We must learn more about the world, see new things once in a while. I'm ready. Play.'' ''I'm so proud of you, you bear-boy-version-of-Ann-Perkins.''
• ''There was a bit too much violence and lack of politeness in this film.''
• ''As your friend, who loves you very much, I'd say Bodhi. He's a free, untamable spirit who gives love and fights, his way, against injustice and the system we live in. In your adventures, Paddington, you also criticized the system. Bodhi wouldn't go to a jail like you did, and possibly there wouldn't be anyone like you there to make it a better place. You both fight for the same thing, life, nature, freedom. Bodhi does make mistakes, he allows violence in his life later in the film, but he sees it's wrong. He sees what it cost. Meanwhile, Johnny is not your typical good guy in movies, he's the jock, he's sarcastic, he's more violent than Bodhi. Johnny Utah's journey is realizing that serving the police won't be assuring peace, and that he was fighting for the wrong people. Normal people won't benefit from the police, it was the police who made the heist go violent in the first place. Not every thief is a good person who does bad things, but not every cop is a good person either. It's all the same. An endless war of the same army, fighting for their own survival in a power-hungry system were no flower like you can possibly flourish.''
• ''Glad to know. You're very wise, and the wise knows he can't possibly know all.'' ''To know all is to know nothing.''
• Paddington is visibly shocked to his core. Poor thing.
• ''That was too much for you, correct?'' ''I have never seen so many people acting so disrespectfully to each other and everyone else.'' ''YEAH! Bad Boys II is a masterpiece of misanthropy, it's the Anti-You. This shit is not for everybody.''
• ''Bitch, I'm drunk as shit and I just watched Bad Boys II, you can't stop me motherfucker 'cause I'm on a boat!''
• ''WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? THIS IS BRASIL! YOU GUYS JUST LOVE TO GET INTO OTHER PEOPLE'S COUNTRIES AND FUCK THEM UP!''
• ''I wanna quit this job so much, Mike! Transporting white drunk fools, do I look like Jason Statham? Motherfucker I'm Black and American, I'm no European fuck with a stick up my ass to endure this.'' ''Bitch, Jason Statham is a lot better than you.''
• ''Mike, I'mma kill this horny fucker! Why he keep saying he wanna fuck women in these things?''
• '' .... Rodrigo is drunk and scared so I can at least let it pass.'' ''Thanks, Pad! Can't wait for when Dua Lipa shows up in our adventures. I'm gonna drive her wiiiiild.'' ''Rodrigo, I want you to shush.'' ''Yes, Paddington.''
• ''We will take you to a guy who can protect you pretty well on his own. He loves animals especially. His name is John Wick.'' TAN TAN TAAAAAAAAAAN
• (V.O.) ''As far back as I can remember I always wanted to be Paddington's friend.''
• '' (...) Has anyone ever recognized you from GoodFellas around here?'' ''Here? HAHAHAHAHAH, YOU'RE FUNNY. This is nowhere. No one has seen GoodFellas. Not even Chilean people know this place. Recognize me HAHAHAHAH You're so funny.'' ''I'm funny how?''
• He laughs and we start imitating Joe Pesci... or Tommy DeVito... fuck it.
• marcella is mute with all the kindness. And because I have no clue how to write her. Sorry.
• ''Paddington, I'd like to clarify we can't use her teleporter because it's a family heritage. Someone from her family came from the 33rd century to give her that, we can't use it. It's the lame ass excuse we have to keep a minimal amount of sense to this storyline.''
• ''This movie was really good. Not kind, not polite, but a really good movie. Thanks marcella. You're an angel made of blossoming flowers and rainbows and hummingbirds.'' 🥰
• ''Yeah, let's hope you guys have a spin-off show one day or something.''
• (V.O.) '' (...) watching a great picture with a sunflower angel (...)'' 🥰🥰🥰
• ''This road is scaring me, Rodrigo.'' ''Don’t you worry. See that castle up there on that hill, that’s where we’re staying. I found it on Airbnb.''
• ''This song again.'' ''It grew on me. Just as my penis does when I think of Dua Lipa.'' ''Spending time with the Bad Boys is never healthy for you.''
• Paddington and I are going crazy singing and dancing and get sad when the song ends.
• ''I wouldn’t kill Paddington. Ever. Look at him. He’s an angel. He smells like oranges. Who doesn’t love oranges?''
• ''Use protection!'' ''You can’t protect people from LOVE!''
• ''…and that’s why Bolsonaro is a huge dickless fuck.'' ''I don’t appreciate your language, but I certainly don’t appreciate your president’s behaviour, so I’ll let this slide.''
• ''Yes… and we could do this the easy way… or-'' ''*pointing at the street* The highway.''
• Paddington and I do the Fusion Pose from Dragon Ball and achieve symbiosis. RODDINGTON IS BORN! A half Peruvian bear, half wimpy human fuck creature.
• ''(V.O.) Wait, what? What about Chris Cornell? So many Chris Cornell songs!'' ''(V.O.) I want Dua Lipa’s Physical, a happy song. Please.'' ''(V.O.) One day you’ll get the hidden meanings of this song and start disliking it.''
• Venom goes away and grabs Eminem, who’s crying.
• ''It was weird as shit, Pad. I love you but I don’t want you inside me.'' Dua Lipa comes towards me and Paddington. ''I’d rather be inside someone else…''
• ''Ms. Dua, I have a question for you.'' ''Shoot.'' ''Who needs to go to sleep when I got you next to me?''
• ''Lights out, follow the noise. Keep on dancing like you ain’t got a choice. LIKE! You most definitely have a choice.'' ''What?'' ''LET’S GET PHYSICAL.'' ''Oh, really? Okay.'' ''Oh, really? Okay!''
• ''.｡.:*♡ Hi, Rodrigo, hi, Paddington, hi… DUA LIPA! OMG! I’m such a- ♡*:.｡.'' ''Yeah, yeah, great.''
• ''Have you ever made love in Paris at the top of the Eiffel Tower under the night sky?'' ''I would remember that.'' ''So this is a night you'll never forget.''
• ''What happened here, marcella? We didn’t even talk about the movie.'' ''.｡.:*♡ Rodrigo just spent five minutes without talking about a movie? ♡*:.｡.'' ''Yes, that’s odd.''
• ''You know what? We should set you up with someone. Dua knows plenty of cool guys.'' ''Yeah, “Dri” is right. Colin Farrell, Charlie Hunnam, they’re super fun, you’d love them.'' ''She loves them already, love.''
• ''I’m still processing “Dri”.''
• ''And what’s your nickname for her?'' ''I call her Octopussy because 1) She should do a Bond song one day and 2) Because I eat her pussy eight times a day.'' ''YOU ATE HER CAT????''
• Paddington is shook by the overtly sexual nature of the conversation. marcella is stuck on the idea of fucking Colin Farrell or Charlie Hunnam.
• ''Hack fraud filmmakers dead, well done, Mystery Box Man.'' ''You realize this implies you and Pad are “hack fraud” filmmakers?'' ''Fuck.''
• ''That guy kinda looked like Kevin Spacey in Se7en.'' ''Se7en? Oh my god.''
• ''What’s in the box, marcella?'' ''Wait!'' ''What’s in the bOOOOOOOOX? WHAT’S IN THE FUCKING BOX??''
• ''The world is a fine place, and worth fighting for.''
• She's wearing a white shirt with a Jake Peralta picture on it, with the line “She makes me feel things” above his dorky face. She’s wearing ONLY that shirt.
• Charlie Hunnam then starts making his own joint, like in The Gentlemen, but sexier, because he’s fully nude. He lights the joint.
• ''I’m obsessed, and I haven’t given you the attention you two deserve. I mean, Colin Farrell and Charlie Hunnam are naked in my bed… I should be licking both your bodies but here I am doing this, and I can’t even solve this mystery and save my friends. They’re fucking angels, especially Paddington… or only Paddington… yeah, just Paddington, Rodrigo is kind of a bitch, and he’s way too horny.''
• ''Girl, you interrupted sex with Dua! We gave you two amazingly hot dudes, now go get some. ''But I-'' ''Get some, get some, get some!''
• marcella looks at Colin and Charlie… ''Hola chica.''
• He throws that bag in the trash, and his eyes encounter marcella’s, his big glasses staring right into her face, and she does it back at him, far more intensely. They stay that way, like a Sergio Leone western. He knows she knows… She knows he knows she knows… He knows she knows he knows she knows J. J. Abrams is the Zodiac Kil… The Mystery Box Man!!!!
• ''É isso, otário! ME CHUPA! Gringo desgraçado, filho de uma vaca arrombada, aqui é BRASIL, PORRA! Hashtag TEAM RIAN JOHNSON, seu fodido! A Ascensão Skywalker foi uma merda. Chupa essa tua pica molenga e engasga nela. Matar o Paddington, vai se foder. Corno!''
• ''This is beautiful! THIS IS AMAZING! It’s just like Tenet!'' ''Really want to watch it.'' ''Don’t, you wouldn’t get it. No one got it. Not even I did. But it’s fucking awesome!!!!''
• ''I also want marcella’s Megan Fox mask. '' Paddington and I look at him funny, and Dua and marcella do the same.
• His paw and nose touch the glass, marcella is crying, as she usually does.
• ''You were my best love story. Seems like you fell for the one who could break your heart after all.''
• All this time I thought Paddington was a light in my life, and now I’m darkness in his. I believed I was becoming a better person every day, that I was doing something with my life… but not at the expense of other people’s dreams.
• ''I… have so much strength in me… you have… no idea.''
• The trenchcoat I wear is filthy, there’s dirt, and even spaghetti sauce. My neck is wet with saliva… you don’t wanna know.
• ''This… life… It makes no sense. I can’t deal with it, and yet I’m fighting for it to remain.''
• ''This is the end of a beautiful friendship.''
• ''It is time to end. It is time to grow up.'' ''The world is hell. I don’t wanna grow up. I don’t want a real life.'' ''You have to want it. You need it. Life is ready for you. Go Live. There’s so much of you to share with the world.''
• ''You must be cautious with life, but please, don’t ever miss it.''
• From around the corner, I see marcella riding her bike, with Paddington sitting behind her.
• ''Aww… so cute you two, getting the band back together to watch Cinema Paradiso.''
• ''(...) Anyway, Cinema Paradiso, guys. Very considerate. It’s important to Rodrigo and me.'' ''In a collective way, I’d say, not really you and me, but us. If you catch my drift?''
• '' We’re all around the globe. BearAble. Get it? Because I’m a bear, and I’m able to clean windows, and I’m a very bearable bear.''
• ''What do we call it here?'' ''Ursal.''
• Me and marcella die laughing. Like… we’re out of fucking breath. We can’t stop. Seriously, it's too funny.
• ''(...) it’s our private privilege to know what Ursal is all about.'' ''You’re the perfect symbol for it.'' ''So perfect.''
• Just FYI, me and marcella still laugh while talking and remain laughing at it for a while, because it’s fucking hilarious. Ursal, I’m laughing right now.
• ''Yes, we can hand it over to people here later.'' ''In Rio? Not the best idea. We can get mugged.'' ''Yes, muggers need money too. Isn't that why they're mugging?''
• ''By the way, we’re watching the two-hour cut.'' ''What? You son of a-'' ''I’m kidding. We’ll be here for three hours.''
• ''So Paddington… How was it in the bike’s front basket?'' ''What’s not to love?''
• ''Guys… it’s… what’s this party?'' ''It’s a Taylor party.''
• ''Bear, you watched Bad Boys II. You got through that, you can get through anything.'' ''Lars von Trier.''
• ''And why the Colin Firth poster?'' ''He plays the Tailor of Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.'' ''Oh yeah… I thought it was because of Kingsman, the tailor shop.'' ''Oh yeah… It wasn’t, that would’ve been good. Is that why he was cast in Kingsman?''
• ''Taylor party, got it.'' ''Did you like it?'' ''I kinda hate you right now, but the effort and cuteness is making it harder and harder to hate you.''
• ''Colin and Charlie came?'' ''That’s what she said.''
• ''Tom is busy pretending to date Zendaya so people will talk about them in the media, and Timothée Chalamet died of the incurable condition of being a little bitch.''
• ''…And then I licked his neck because it was filled with spaghetti sauce… and I couldn’t waste that.''
• ''YOU KNOW HAILEE STEINFELD AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME.'' ''Hi, happy birthday, marcella.'' marcella’s giggling like a little girl.
• ''It’s been a couple months, Rodrigo, I missed you… you know.'' ''Wait what?''
• ''No, they’re hosted at Jon Hamm’s house. He doesn’t know it’s a spot for orgies.'' ''He has a lot of paintings and photos of himself all around the house, so it’s a perfectly arousing and steamy environment.''
• ''Dude, you’re throwing too much information at me, and we’re going dark now. It’s my birthday today.'' ''Shut up, you know you want me to keep going.'' ''Yes, please.''
• ''He followed me like a puppy the whole night. It was adorably desperate.'' ''OH… MY… GOD!''
• ''Rodrigo, did you fuck Mads Mikkelsen?'' ''Ahm… We did everything that could possibly be done to each other. It was amazing. A night to remember. He’s my one and only man.'' ''OH… MY… GOOOOOOD!!!!!! This is the best day of my life, and Hailee Steinfeld is part of it.''
• ''David Cronenberg’s Crash.'' '' We did some really weird shit on that car.''
• Hailee gets cozy with me, but I try to stay away trying not to cause a heart attack on the birthday girl.
• ''Rodrigo! Why the fuck was Kanye West at my party?''
• ''*with some disgust* Oh. Anyone but a Frenchman.''
• ''It’d be preferable to date Jared Leto than any Frenchman.'' ''That would be a throuple case, since Jared Leto is already very much in love with himself.'' ''Why can’t I love myself like Jared Leto does?'' ''NO ONE should love themselves like Jared Leto does. Bud, be wiser.''
• ''I miss 'fat Brie Larson'.'' ''Okay, I think beer is not the only drug in your system right now.''
• ''Remember her in 21 Jump Street? She was soooo cuuuuute. Now she’s a fucking goddess. The stunning blonde hair, piercing eyes, the tits, the ass, that… fucking… smile, she’s a fucking statue rivaling with Michelangelo’s David. God’s Finest Work.'' ''Isn’t that better?'' ''NO! She’s not approachable now. “Fat Brie Larson” was like you and me, a normal person, and very cute. Now if I look at her I’m just awestruck. My mouth is on the fucking floor. I’d lick the floor she steps on.''
• ''Is there a drug that can make us hallucinate talking bears and other languages?'' ''That Dua Lipa song 'Hallucinate'.'' ''YOU FUCKING MONSTER!''
• ''And you’d have to be pretty stupid to not want to see Kim Min Hee banging Kim Tae Ri.''
• ''He said the city was a fairytale come to life.'' ''Here in Bruges?'' ''Yes, and he’s quite right.'' ''Here in Bruges?''
• ''Oh, hello Paddington, this Hell is better with you.''
• Isn’t it great when you hear the randomest part of a conversation?
• ''Yes, my friend. I told her all about you.'' ''And of course she’s gonna meet me because everyone does anything you want because you’re super nice and this ain’t weird at all.''
• ''Rina’s fine, Rodrigo.'' ''Yeah she is.''
• ''You were better at words with Dua.'' ''That felt more organic. This feels a bit forced. Maybe it’s the set-up factor.'' ''You know Dua too?'' ''Oh boy… Do… I… know… her.'' Rina is like NO CLUE… GETS IT ''Wow, that's hot.''
• ''Could we let Monsieur Gavras out of this?'' ''Isn’t that Ralph Fiennes in The Grand Budapest Hotel?'' ''No, Dua’s boyfriend.'' ''Oh, fuck that guy.''
• ''Well, “This Hell” is great fun and… PADDINGTON! OH YOU… YOU… PRICK!'' ''Surprised it took so long for you to get it. And don’t call me that. I know it comes from love but don’t call me that.''
• ''So… how ‘bout after this dinner we go to Tokyo, like… in a Hotel, and… you know...'' ''I see what you’re doing and I’m not falling for it.'' ''That worked with Dua. Like, instantly.'' ''Yeah, of course it did. She fell for the French guy.''
• ''It was a nice move by the way. There’s a charm to it.'' I’m like… like… I just fall down my chair. Rina’s laughing.
• ''Any singing that comes from the heart is good singing.''
• This time marcella is wearing a shirt that’s like the Barbie poster meme, with a cute Florence Pugh pic there, above her beautiful dorky face written “This Barbie is a cook”.
• ''Why the fuck would I throw you a surprise party at McDonald’s? It’s either a surprise party or a party at McDonald’s. No in-between.'' ''You don’t make any sense.'' ''I collect McDonald’s Happy Meal boxes, one from each McDonald’s I’ve ever been in… why is that so hard to believe?'' ''WHO DOES THAT?'' ''Well I do. Ask Mr. Franklin, he knows.'' ''Who’s Franklin?'' ''Marcelo’s father.'' ''Who’s Marcelo????''
• ''There’s no fucking way you have a thousand Happy Meal boxes lying around at home.'' ''What do you think is happening right now?''
• ''Are you really okay with this?'' ''From all his questionable actions and sentences, this is just innocent.''
• ''What… what is this party?'' ''It’s the '*Saoirse Ronan's Voice* Women' Party.'' ''OH MY GOD!!!!!!!''
• ''That’s why there’s that 7 feet tall poster of Margot Robbie there. It’s life-size by the way… because she’s literally a fucking goddess among us.''
• ''AND!!!'' ''Do you want more or are you suffocating?'' ''SUFFOCATING!!!!'' ''Well… don’t. Brie Larson is right over there, with Gal Gadot.'' ''Hi!! Happy birthday.'' marcella’s blood pressure is lowering considerably.
• ''Hey Saoirse, you cheap sack of shit!!!'' Saoirse Ronan walks towards us. ''Now… say it.'' ''Women.'' marcella’s out of breath. After all this, can you blame her?
• ''The only conversion I'm now interested in is 'Mission: Impossible 2 is A Masterpiece''' ''Yeah, I'm gonna side with Rodrigo on this one.'' ''And the same for Legally Blonde. AND Blonde.'' ''Yeah that's right!! And Jennifer's Body!''
• ''So… who’s making all the sandwiches?'' ''Bitch, I’m gonna blow your mind now.'' I take her to the counter, to see the kitchen from it and there she sees… ''Paddington and… FLO!!!!!'' Florence Pugh sees her. ''Hey, girl! Happy birthday. Loved the shirt.'' This is too much for the human brain. ''I’m… I think I’m gonna faint.''
• ''I’ll be fine I guess.'' ''It’s a lot to take in, things are gonna cool down now.'' Right then Caio arrives with his wife. ''Hey girl, happy birthday, I haven’t seen you since our Rubia Navidad!'' ''GOD DAMN IT!''
• marcella is all good now, eating her McDonald’s sandwich made by the paws of an angel and the hands of a goddess.
• ''Isn’t it interesting that these sandwiches are all trash, always have been trash, but the fact that Florence Pugh made these makes them delicious?'' ''It’s because it’s a real sandwich with real meat, dummy.'' ''Not the ones I made. The ones I made are vegan.'' ''The ones you made are bread and marmalade.'' ''That is vegan.''
• ''Hello!'' Mads Mikkelsen starts playing Lionel Richie’s “Hello” then and there, right when Caio takes his first glance at Rina. ''So, Caio, will you be fine?'' ''Yes, she is.''
• ''You seriously can’t see or hear him?'' ''Are you schizophrenic?'' ''No.''
• ''Mads, kill the music for a sec. You look great by the way. Great times we had, man. Great times.''
• ''It’s been pretty much four years of friendship, with certain limitations but a connection never inexistent or less important than the others I have. It’s something that honestly gives me more strength, faith that I won’t miss the connection I have with the one I love for the coming months, or ever.''
• ''My heart is out of my home, but the lights are still on. But in the end, it’s all good. marcella here is a very special girl, because she gives me that comfort without her even knowing.''
• ''As the beautiful fucking phenomenal woman sensitive artiste called Rina Sawayama, who’s right there, said last month, 'Any singing that comes from the heart is good singing', so this is now a duet. By the way, marcella, you did see it coming. I said I wouldn’t give you any clues as to what I’d do for your birthday, and that I’d listen to 'no complaints, woman'.''