forewarning, this list talks about difficult topics, such as suicide and sexual assault, as well as predatory actions towards minors.

• targeting:
  • i had a difficult relationship with my parents and was open about my low self-esteem and mental health issues on facebook.
    • he added me, a complete stranger, on facebook when i was just about to turn 16, or recently had. (he was 21 at this time.) he commented on my statuses now and then but didn't start messaging me until late october, quickly telling me had a "crush" on me.
• gaining trust:
  • he told me he was bullied in school and had depression as well.
  • he would talk to me about our mutual interests as often as possible, making it appear we had more in common than we did.
  • he convinced me he was also a fan of my favourite band (and later downloaded their most recent album, which he knew i wanted, to entice me to visit him.) i never heard him talk about them at any other time or play them in his car, however.
• fulfilling needs:
  • he attended my year 10 graduation (without me knowing he'd be there) after i told him my parents wouldn't bother to attend. i either hadn't met him or had only just officially met him at the time.
  • he told me he'd always be there as a shoulder to cry on.
  • he started sending me love poems (which he said he wrote, but he didn't.)
  • he'd call me beautiful and smart as often as possible.
• isolating:
  • he told me loved me within 10 days of dating and quickly started calling me his soulmate.
  • he got angry with me for making plans to see my friends a couple of hours before seeing him.
  • he used a fake profile to harass me about my male best friend and then caused so much drama that i had to stop talking to said friend.
    • all of this was at the beginning of the relationship (first month and a half.)
• desensitizating:
  • he used to say sexual things on my selfies (e.g. "you look naked ;)" when i was wearing a bandeau top) and send me anonymous messages of that nature on formspring (which he followed me to) when we first started dating. i never really knew how to respond to these.
  • i later found out that he had set a picture of me as his phone wallpaper when we had only just started talking. said photo had my cleavage clearly visible and was taken when i was 15.
  • TW! sexual assault. when he sexually assaulted me, he told me he was "too excited" that i was in his bed for the first time, and wouldn't take any of my refusals for an answer.
• controlling:
  • see above for previous controlling behaviours. however, the control worsened as the relationship continued, starting with my first friend being alienated from me.
  • the only physical threat i can remember him aiming at me is the one he posted on the fake profile he made to harass me with (a different one to the former. this one was a woman.)
  • he threatened to physically assault my mother after i told him she had grounded me (and effectively stop seeing him.)
  • he threatened to physically assault two of my male friends, including the one i talked about above.
  • once, when my 11 year old sister was in the car with us, he got so mad that he started speeding down a hill. i was afraid we would die. he was angry because she was with us.
  • he would use guilt trips to get his own way. he knew my fears well enough to insinuate i was a bad person who no one would love if i acted a certain way (so in any way that didn't please him.)
  • he broke up with me once or twice and at points gave me the silent treatment, both in response to me standing up to him.
  • he would use sex and proposing marriage as a manipulation tactic (i.e. only have sex with me/talk about engagement if i was good girl and didn't piss him off.) i didn't even want him to propose to me as i was too young, and when i said as much he became sullen and then mad because it meant i "didn't want him anymore".
  • he often encouraged me to sneak out/leave the house to see him/run away with him.
  • TW! suicide. when his friend passed away due to suicide, he told me - on my 17th birthday - that he'd do the same if i cheated on him.
  • attempts to control me after the relationship was over were only resolved once i blocked him, deleted all his buddies, and changed my number.

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